Hello Colleagues,
Some of you know that technology is not something on which I am right out front. I have used blogs before but I haven't created one so I feel good about this accomplishment. This is where we will post assignments on 6/11 and 7/9. It is also where you will post your Book Circle discussions.
110 comments:
Great job on the blog. Now let's see how well I can use it-Jackie
It was easy accessing the blog, but it has taken me a few minutes to discover the posting process. I am looking forward to learning to utilize this technology. The only question I have is where is spell check? :)
Dianne
Whoa! Technology is cool! U can't do attachments? :~)
This is a test
The blog is a great idea! A good way for our class to communicate.
The middle grades level can be a daunting experience for the students, parents, and teachers. There is so much going on with the students. Linda Perlstein's book, "not much just chillin': The Hidden Lives of Middle Schoolers" offers a realistic look inside of the minds of a certain group of middle school students. The first section titled "Autumn" gives you insight about each of the students she is following during that year. I think there may be a need for a warning before this book is read. I mean that in a good sense because it deals with reality more than some parents or educators may be willing to accept; however, the truth is the only thing that will assist parents and educators in helping to effectively raise and educate middle school students. I also like the way she adds the scientific reasonsing behind why the students behave the way they do without boring you to death. She makes the developmental facts flow right along with the story. I liked the way she used students from different backgrounds. Some of the students had traditional homes with two parents while one particular student was living with the dad's girlfriend due to his working situation. I cannot wait to see how the students turn out in the end. Especially, knowing it is based on real-life situations. I wish my adminstrator and colleagues at work could read this as a book study. I have only read the first four chapters, but I believe this book will either enlighten society to help the middle school children or push us further into denial.
All I can say is Oh my! This is my 6th year educating this wonderful breed of children and I knew this was a time of transition academically and personally. Sometimes more personal than we want to know but in order to tackle a potential issue, you must understand the issue. This book, Not Much, Just Chillin' is doing just that. And being a mother of a son who is entering middle school this year, once again, Oh my!
Autumn is the first section of the book and I read the first 4 chapters. I can speculate that the sections are named as they are because it is probably going to tell of the changes the students go through the seasons they are enrolled in school. Also, children with emphasis on the middle schooler, are like seasons. You can actually see the changes as they go through different phases of life. It is definite and the book points that out by referring back to Erikson and other physiological evidence (educational psychology 101).
So far the book has described cultural differences in the students such as ethnic background, social class, mental capacity, religious status, etc and how students and adults (parents and educators) deal with these delicate issues.
I would suggest parents, educators and possibly eighth graders read this book (under direct supervision for eighth graders) just to see if these individuals could relate, see the signs for these issues. In the book there might be an instance that one of the students has been raped and parents try to communicate with their children about it but as usual, resistance or minimal details. Also, 9/11 happens during Autumn and how students reacts differently to this tragic event.
I am hoping that this book will shed light on how a middle schooler really struggles through middle school and that these are trying times for everyone.
A LITTLE LOVE AND TENDERNESS
Team members discuss the difficulty of getting Joseph to use appropriate behavior in class. One suggests an approach that worked for her.
It was planning time for the 7th grade team and everyone gathered into the science room for the weekly meeting. As the chairperson relayed points of interest from the leadership meeting, as usual, the round table of comments started. The Language Arts teacher (and first year), Ms. Summer stated everything was going well with the exception of a certain boy. She didn’t give his name at first but by looking at the faces of the other teachers, they knew who it was.
Ms. Summer: This boy just insists on disrupting the class. He likes to rush through his work and simply refuses to review it for error. When it is time to check it, he usually receives a failing grade.
Mr. Autumn: I have that exact same problem with him. He doesn’t follow directions well either. When you tell him to something, he usually does it the way he wants or refuses to do the assignment.
Mr. Spring: I see what you mean. Then he usually starts disrespecting me or his peers. There isn’t a day that goes by he is in some kind of mischief.
Mrs. Fall: Exactly. And you want to know the strange part about it? When you actually observe him doing something mischievous and confront him, do you know what his response is? “It wasn’t me!” And he gets very defensive about it. Usually, a disciplinary referral follows because he doesn’t know when to quit.
Ms. Seasons: Who is this boy?
All the teachers: Joseph!
Ms. Seasons: I don’t have that problem with him anymore.
Mrs. Fall: Of my 22 years of teaching, I have NEVER experienced anything like this. What are you doing that we are not?
Ms. Seasons: Don’t get me wrong. I had all those issues you are having now. But I discovered something about Joseph. He is a foster child who is diagnosed with a mental illness that causes him to act out. And recently, if you haven’t noticed, his foster parents have not been coming to check on him on Fridays anymore. I inquired through the counselor who contacted the Parent Involvement liaison. Between him and the social worker, they discovered what was going on. Joseph misbehaved severely while with the foster mother and they decided that he was impossible to handle. Every since that incident, Joseph has been going through some emotional times. After Joseph disrupted my class, I took him outside the class and had a heart-to-heart with him. I explained to him that I was sorry for the events that was happening in his life right now, but that does not give him the reason to act out and disrupt everyone else’s learning. That wasn’t fair. If he needed to talk to someone about his situation, it would best he talk to someone he trust and feel comfortable talking about his problems. I didn’t send Joseph to the office but I noticed what I said made him think. He passed me a note during dismissal and he stated he needed to talk with someone. I found someone who was experiencing the same thing. Things have improved but he has a long journey ahead of him. What he needs from you is a little compassion.
Mrs. Fall: The things children today have experience and how unprepared as teachers we are to handle these situations.
Mr. Spring: I suggest we have the social worker and Parent Involvement liaison attend our next meeting to brief us on this situation and others and what steps should we take.
Mr. Autumn: I agree.
Ms. Seasons: Meeting adjourned. I will work on getting the social worker and Parent Involvement liaison to attend our next meeting.
Questions for Reflection
1. Do you think the way Ms. Seasons handled the situation with Joseph appropriate?
2. Ms. Seasons did not share this information with her team earlier. Was she wrong for doing so? Why or why not?
3. Can you think of any other ways it could have been handled?
4. What if Joseph had resisted and his behavior worsen, what ways could the 7th grade team address this new issue?
5. Professional Learning is the means in which teachers, administrators, and other school and system employees acquire, enhance, and refine the knowledge, skills, and commitment necessary to create and support high levels of learning for all students. In the scenario, Mr. Spring suggested that the social worker and Parent Involvement liaison attend the next meeting to discuss this student and possibly others and what strategies could be used. Is this appropriate? Who should facilitate the training? Should the invitation be extended to the faculty and staff even though they may not be experiencing this particular issue? Should the invitation be extended to Joseph’s new foster parent? Who else should attend?
Jackie, I see we are in agreement about our middle schoolers. There is so much going on that sometimes we as teachers miss it or just simply don't understand. All the classes we take to prepare us for such events is nothing like truly experiencing it.
I see we both agree that our bosses need to read this book because they too forget how it is to be a middle school student. Times has changed drastically and the middle school students we were are definitely not the middle school students we come in contact with everyday.
Jimmie, I was wondering should middle school students read this book. It would really help them to understand themselves, but I am not sure how my community of parents would respond to their child reading the book. You know denial can be a safe covering for many of us. I definitely think the teachers and parents of middle grade students should read it as a book circle group as a matter of fact.
ENGAGING ALL STUDENTS
A teacher and parent discuss the difficulty of getting Alaina to focus during class and work together to help her succeed.
Alaina would try to concentrate in her Sophomore English class, but her teacher, Mrs. Whitaker, could see her thoughts drift away. Whenever it looked inviting outside the walls of Central High School, Mrs. Whitaker knew Alaina would be particularly unaware of what they were doing.
No wonder she doesn't know how to answer my questions at the end of a story. She probably doesn't even read it, thought Mrs. Whitaker. I need to talk to her parents about this. Maybe she's not taking her medication. She seems so unmotivated most days.
As a regular education teacher at Central High, Mrs. Whitaker was starting to see more and more students who were dealing with AD/HD. She was looking for a way to help those students and herself. It drove her crazy when kids did not listen! She hoped her talk with Alaina’s parents would help her get this problem under control and provide new strategies to use in the classroom.
When the two sat down to meet about Alaina's needs, Alaina’s mom was concerned.
"It's only November. If she seems distracted now, I can't imagine what it'll be like in April! I'll have to check with the nurse to see if she is taking her medication. In the meantime, we need a plan to help her function in your class," said Alaina’s mom.
"We're doing a unit on short stories," Mrs. Whitaker explained. "Do you have any ideas that can be used?"
"Making predictions might be helpful. She could look at the story and come up with 5 or so questions with which the other kids can decide if they agree or disagree. To not single her out, maybe this could be something all students do.”
"Great! That's useful for all of my students,” said Mrs. Whitaker. By keeping Alaina engaged, Mrs. Whitaker knew there's less chance for Alaina’s mind to wander.
"Sounds like a plan,” said Alaina’s mom. “Could you check on the medication issue and get back to me?
"I would be happy to do that. I’ll talk to you soon!"
Questions for Reflection:
1. Should Mrs. Whitaker have shared her information more quickly with Alaina’s mom, instead of waiting until November? Why or why not?
2. If this plan is not successful, how should Mrs. Whitaker approach the situation?
3. Because students with disabilities are becoming more and more present in the general education classroom, how can classroom teachers prepare to reach all learners and better equip themselves with multiple strategies and resources for engaging all students?
4. In what other ways could Mrs. Whitaker incorporate Alaina’s mom into the educational process and academic decision making?
5. Should Mrs. Whitaker have asked Alaina’s mom for suggestions? Why? If no, who should she turn to for advice?
A Pathway to Partnership
I work at an alternative school where the parental involvement is next to non-existent. The parents only come when we call them, and this is normally after a problem of misbehavior has taken place. Many times we cannot contact the parents even when something has happened due to incorrect contact information, phone disconnection, or constant moving situations. Until recently, only one designated person had to stay for parent conference nights because parents never attended the events. Research suggests that parental involvement is such a neccesity in students success(Swap, 1993). Considering that our students come to the alternative school due to having characteristics of low grades, low test scores, behavior problems, and lack of attendance, we need the aid of the parents and the community working together to help our studnets become successful, productive citizens in our society. While doing some research on "Effective Schooling Strategies for Students Deemed At-Risk", I came across some enlighting thoughts from the few parents that allowed me to interview them.The parents thoughts and misconceptions about school and their children's education was mind-boggling. I instantly knew that there was a lack of communications and understanding amongst parents and the educational system.I also realized how difficult it was to contact these parents during the working hours of the school day. I became so concerned and involved with the answers, thoughts, and suggestions I was getting from the interviews and surveys of the parents that I wanted to chanage my topic to "The Effects of Parental Involvement in Students' Edcuation", but I did not have time to change the topic. This is a problem that I would like to address in our beggining of the year faculty meeting.
Questions for Reflection
1. Why are parents not involved?
2. What would be the benefits of getting the parents involved?
3. How can we get the parents involved?
Activities for Extending Thinking
1. Analyze and discuss what we are doing now that is or is not working.
2. Reflect ways of how to effectively involve parents in a positive way by investigating research and visiting schools that have successful parental involvemeant.
3. Write down our goals and ways of evaluating whether we have met them or not.
4. Compare and Contrast the parent conferences we have in our school today to the conferences we have attended as parents or family members. Write what we like and did not like about the conferences.
Rules of Engagement:
1. We would like for discussions to be honest, respectable, and time friendly.
2. We could use our pre-planning days to do this because we realize that educators have a life outside of school also. We could visit other schools during inservice days.
3. We would like shared informatin to be well thought out, research-proven, and relevant to the issue at hand.
4. We would also like positive methods to be discussed intead of excuses unless the excuses are apart of the problem that needs to be solved.
Hello Dr. Kleine, I have noticed that my case is written somewhat differently from some of the cases already posted. Mine is not a story format, now that I go back and look at the exmaples, I notice they are in a story format also. If I need to re-do mine, I will be glad to do it again in story format. Just let me know. I enjoyed reading the others. Thanks-Jackie
All it takes is a little love
It was the last day of post-planning for teachers. We gathered for a potluck lunch. Ms. Belks sat next to a teacher she generally does not see during the year. She teaches honor classes and Ms. Adams teaches regular education classes. They share students, but they do not meet together during the year because their schedules do not coincide. Conversations between teachers eventually drifted back to students.
Ms. Adams: “I am so glad to get rid of Toby (not his real name, Hispanic, 6th grade). I can’t
stand that boy.”
Ms. Belks: “Oh?! I absolutely love Toby. He is such a cool kid.”
Ms. Adams: “Oh, no. He stayed in trouble in my class all year. I hope I never see him again.”
Ms. Connors stayed quiet and looked uncomfortable as this conversation unfolded.
Ms. Belks: “Toby has a fabulous sense of humor. He was so much fun to teach. Sure, he had
his problems, but all he needed was someone to care.”
Ms. Adams: “Do you know about his family? His mother has more kids than she can handle.
She uses those kids. It doesn’t do a bit of good to contact her. I don’t want to hear about all her problems, plus she cusses the whole time. She doesn’t care about those kids.”
Ms. Belks: “Yes, I know about the family situation. I spent a lot of time listening to her
problems with the kids, but she obviously needed someone to talk with. However, Mom knows Toby is extremely smart. She says he’s her pride and joy. No, she doesn’t know how to help him nor can she afford things he needs. I had to give him everything he needed to do my projects. He did them, usually always late, but he did them. Toby is a naturally gifted young man. I look forward to teaching him again when he reaches 8th grade.”
Ms. Belks turns to Ms. Davis and quietly asks her to love Toby when she gets him next year. Ms. Davis promises to love him, despite his circumstances.
Ms. Adams: “Well, as far as I’m concerned, Toby and Bin Laden are two people I hope I never
come across again.”
Ms. Belks, aghast at that statement, ceases the conversation. Ms. Connors, apparently saddened by such statements, rolls her eyes. Ms. Belks recalls all the times throughout the year when Toby would complain about how unfair Ms. Adams treated him. She is disappointed in herself for not picking up on those statements and finding the time to talk with Ms. Adams. Just maybe, she could have turned things around for that relationship.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Why did Ms. Adams have so many problems with Toby? Does her attitude concerning the mother have bearing on these problems? Is it likely that mother and Ms. Adams have problems communicating? Does Ms. Adams lack empathy for the mother’s situation and therefore did not know how best to include the mother when dealing with Toby?
2. What characteristics allowed Ms. Belks to get so much more cooperation from Toby and mother?
3. Does research support the approach that either teacher took towards working with mother and Toby?
4. How could Ms. Adams benefit from studying current research?
5. If you were Ms. Belks, what would you have done differently throughout the year or during this conversation in dealing with the relationship between Ms. Adams and Toby or his mother?
6. What feelings/attitudes could you surmise were experienced by the mother in communicating with Ms. Adams? Ms. Belks? Toby?
You are right about that, Jackie. But think about it. Music, magazines, TV, you name it has sex in it and parents do not seem to stop the kids from that. Maybe if parental consent was given and the book is not a requirement for grade purposes or give an alternative book to those who don't have parental consent could be a way for eighth graders to read this book and see if they see any similarities with themselves and/or their friends. I am a little bit concerned about the younger ones reading this book.
Lets push forward! I assume we are reading the next 4 to 5 chapters?
Welcome to Class
A teacher tries a new technique based on incentives to try and improve parental involvement in her classroom.
It is the first day of school, the dawning of a brand new school year and everyone has high hopes for how successful this year will be. Mrs. Cole is a veteran teacher who has tried in vain to increase parental involvement at her school in the past. There is just something about 8th graders and parental involvement that hasn’t always added up. The students do not want their parents to come to school and the parents would prefer to stay away. This year Mrs. Cole has decided to raise the bar for parents and students and try an incentive program for parental involvement that would reward students as well as parents if they so desire to become involved.
Mrs. Cole tells her classes on the first day of school that each student should have one family member, parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, brother, sister, or cousin, visit the classroom four times during the year. A family member should come and visit each nine-week grading period and stay for approximately twenty minutes or longer if so desired. Notice, in an attempt to include more children the involvement is not limited to immediate family but extended family as well. Mrs. Cole knows enough about the diversity of her students that some may not have a dependable set of parents willing to come by the school. Each class has a chart made with the students names posted and any time a family member drops by a star will be added beside that students’ name. At the end of the nine-week grading period if each student had at least one visit by a family member the entire class would be treated to a party of their choice. The party could be ice-cream, pizza, or possibly a movie afternoon. The family members of these children would be welcome to attend as well.
Mrs. Cole decided to share her idea with a trusted colleague to see if her response to the incentive would be a positive one. Mrs. Lindy had mentioned her lack of success in attracting parent participation as well.
Mrs. Lindy: I’m sorry Mrs. Cole, but I just think your idea is absurd. After twenty years of teaching I don’t have any confidence in parents. Things just aren’t what they used to be.
Mrs. Cole: Well to be honest I’m skeptical to say the least, but it doesn’t hurt to try Mrs. Lindy. I’ll try it for the first nine-weeks and if the incentive program doesn’t work I’ll have to try something else.
At the conclusion of the first nine weeks, neither Mrs. Cole nor Mrs. Lindy could believe the results. Mrs. Lindy continued to struggle to reach parents but Mrs. Cole seemed to have a constant parental flow in and out of her classroom. At the end of the first grading period each student had at least one visitor to the classroom and student behavior, morale, and achievement was at an all time high.
Mrs. Lindy: Mrs. Cole, maybe your idea had some credence after all. Do you mind if I borrow your idea and start an incentive program of my own?
Mrs. Cole: Of course not Mrs. Lindy, anything to help our students achieve.
Questions for Reflection
1. Is Mrs. Cole’s idea too radical to try in the school in which you teach?
2. What are the chances that the participation would reach 100% as in the case of Mrs. Cole? Is this a realistic goal?
3. How might you handle a situation in which all students except one had a family member drop by school?
4. How might other students mistreat the one who kept them from having a party? Would this students’ attitude take a downward spiral because they feel as though they are an outsider?
The Road Not Taken
It was discovered during the first SST meeting of the year that Samuel was failing all four academic classes and one connection class. In browsing through his folder, it was noted that his previous teachers tagged him as 'needs to be tested', but the cooperation of the parents wasn't exactly favorable.
Team 1: We have called and called Samuel's house left messages and highlighted and circled conference on his progress report. I guess we need to do a home visit.
SST clerk: Let's try a certified letter giving the parents a specific deadline to meet and/or contact us.
Conference with previous teachers: He is just in school because the law say he has to be here. He is truly a special needs child whose parents don't care enough to have his needs accommodated. Besides he'll probably drop out anyway. there is nothing there as far as academics are concerned and his behavior is really undesirable.
Team 1: This is the second grading period, and he is doing a little better. He was taken out of our class in handcuffs, but his time in ISS afforded us a little one on one time. The only thing is his responses are so far in left field,we are starting to wonder if he may be special needs.
SST clerk: Would you like to refer him for testing?
Team 1: Most definitely!
SST clerk: We'll need work samples.
Team 1: No problem.
SST clerk: Did you hear from Mom?
Team 1: Just had a baby, but is having another surgery. Dad said he would contact us after Mom has recovered, though we doubt he will.
*January
SST clerk: No response from parents. Do you want to keep him on SST for the next school term?
Team 1: Have you noticed how he looks at the board? He tilts his head sideways and he sits up in the board. I wonder if he need an eye exam. Let's try another certified letter,this time give specifics about his eyes. I'll continue to call and maybe, just maybe we'll get a response.
SST clerk: Mom called to set up a conference.
*By the month of April Mom had not followed through with an eye exam.
Team 1: We allow Samuel to sit in front of the class. He is allowed to work with a peer. After failing many tests, it was determined that he recalls better when tests are orally read to him and he comprehends when stories are read orally. We also determined that when the font size is amplified, his responses aren't always in left field.
SST clerk: We'll keep him on SST and note the modifications and revelations made for him in case parental contact is still MIA.
Samuel just barely skated through the seventh grade, but he made it. Had we not taken the majority of the year waiting, we could have been accommodating his needs and boosting his esteem.
Questions for reflection:
1.Instead of waiting over half a year, what else could have been done to meet Samuel's needs?
2.What would have happend to Samuel if we had taken into consideration his history (academic/behavior)?
3.How do you think his parental response helped or hurt him? should they have consented to SPED testing?
A Sad Situation
Dianne James
It was an early cool winter morning as students strolled wearily down the hall towards homeroom at the break of dawn. There was something amidst; the atmosphere felt very uncomfortable. A student approached me with a look of horror on her face. “Mrs. James”, she said, “Octavius was shot last night!”
I quickly turned to Mrs. Old and asked her to watch the students in my room as I scurried to the principal’s office to verify the information. As I entered the office in tears, I could hear her conversation on the phone with a police officer. Since I could not speak, Mrs. Rattle said, “Octavius is fine. He is with his grandmother, and he was not shot. However, his dad choked his mother to death and then hung himself in the bathroom. Octavius and his sister found them both when they arrived home from school yesterday. Do not disclose any of this information since the incident is under investigation.”
Mrs. James said, “Well, what can I tell my colleagues? What can I tell the students? How are we to keep inaccurate rumors from being spread among the students?”
“Just tell them that Octavius is okay,” stated Mrs. Rattle.
After regaining composure, I returned to class to let my colleagues know the circumstances. I went to Mrs. Old’s room and let her know the information was incorrect, an incident had occurred, but Octavius was not physically harmed.
I went to Mr. Michael’s room, and said, “Octavius was involved in an incident, but was not harmed physically.”
Mr. Michael: “I know. The kids told me all about it.”
Mrs. James: “Well, some of their information may not be correct, and I was instructed by Mrs. Rattles to just let students know that he is okay. Nothing more.”
Mr. Michael: “I am sure their information is more accurate than what was on the news. I will discuss it with them if that is what they wish to talk about.”
Mrs. James: “I have to let Mrs. Trolley know about the situation. Since it is under investigation, we are to not discuss the matter with the students per Mrs. Rattle.”
I went to let Mrs. Trolley room to update her on the situation.
First period was quiet, but I worked to keep the students busy. I was dreading second period since Octavius was a student in the class, and some of the students would come from Mr. Michael’s class. Mine worries were justified.
Student: “Mrs. James something bad happened to Octavius. What do you know?”
Mrs. James: “Not a lot. I know that Octavius needs our prayers and needs to know we care about him.”
Student: “Mr. Michaels’ said that his daddy killed his momma, and then hung himself. I think he said that was what was on the news.”
Mrs. James: “The only facts that I am certain about is that Octavius would not desire us talking about this when he is not here to help us with the facts. It is still under investigation. I feel confident that he would like to know how we are feeling. So rather than do math today, why don’t we take this time to make Octavius cards so that we can tell him how much we love him?
Students: “Okay. Yea! But how will he get them?”
Mrs. James: “I will take them to him when everyone has finished them.”
At lunchtime when all teachers sit together and monitor the students, Mr. Michaels informed us the students initiated the discussion about Octavius, and he did not see anything wrong with it. Mrs. Rattles had joined our conversation at this point. He said, “I told the students what I knew, and they in turned told me what they had heard.”
Mrs. James: “So, how much of the information that was exchanged was accurate?”
Mr. Michaels: “I don’t know, and who cares! They needed to talk about it.”
Mrs. Rattles to Mr. Michaels: “Did Mrs. James ask you to not discuss this?”
Mr. Michaels: “Sorta of. I just do not see the harm.”
Mrs. Rattles: “Come to my office during your planning.”
Lunch had the atmosphere the school had when I entered it that morning. It was uncomfortable with hushed conversation and no laughter.
Questions for reflections:
1. Since the incident had occurred the previous day, why did Mrs. James have to seek out administration to obtain any information? Did a low socio-economic status as well as living outside the parameters of the school prevent the information from being forthcoming?
2. Was Mrs. Rattles ‘do not discuss’ the best strategy for the students? Is this the best method from a psychological point of view? Should counselors be utilized to assist with this type of situation?
3. Was Mr. Michaels actions acceptable? Could Mrs. James have a different approach when speaking with her colleagues about the incident? What would you have done differently?
4. Was making the cards a good strategy to prevent discussion among the students? Did she defy Mrs. Rattles’ direct order about not discussing the circumstances with the students?
5. Because violent crime is on the rise in our society, how can teachers prepare to handle the situations with the other students? Should there be specific policies or protocols for teachers to follow? What specific strategies can teachers have to maintain confidentiality of the victim as well as address the emotional concerns of their peers?
Our day started with 4 blocks of classes: social studies, mathematics, science, and language arts. After a 25 minute lunch our students would head back to the classroom for two more blocks which included art and reading. Two years ago our school system decided to cease mandatory gym and exercise classes. Even though we were a middle school, we had no gym equipment, playground equipment, and we were bused to other schools to use their fields. Students are placed in an elective class each semester. We have only one gym class available.
That year I met a wonderful student named Emmanuel. Emmanuel was a very smart and all-around good student. I had him for morning mathematics and geography. Emanuel excelled in all his morning classes, however, his afternoon classroom teachers had serious problems with him. His afternoon teachers said, “We simply cannot control him!” Control him I thought? He was so calm and responsive in my morning classes. I had no problems with him. I knew I was going to have to fight for this student. As a team of teachers, we decided to call a meeting and invite Emmanuel’s mother. While talking with her on the phone I knew his mother was going to be little help in our meeting. She was hostel, abrasive, and blunt. This are characteristics that I usually like but not in a parent teacher meeting. I was dreading this meeting.
As the day began to near to an end I became more and more concerned about this meeting. I had not had the best responses in the past with parents, especially with a team of teachers. I went to the other teachers and asked if just the two teachers and myself could meet with Emmanuel’s mother, not all six of us. I can’t imagine being called in to a meeting all alone sitting in front of a tribunal of six angry teachers.
Finally, Emmanuel’s mother arrived. We spoke for quite a while and discovered that this was the first time that Emmanuel has ever been in trouble. I also learned that this was his first year at our school and that he had transferred from a school in New Mexico. After the meeting was over, Emmanuel’s mother and I got to talk one-on-one. I soon discovered that at Emmanuel’s last school he had two elective classes and both of those classes he had elected a physical activity! While speaking with Emmanuel’s mother we discovered that all Emmanuel needed was some physical activity! After thinking about it what twelve year old child doesn’t? He was excelling in his morning classes but couldn’t sit still in his afternoon classes.
Not only was Emmanuel’s mother happy about our discovery but so were his afternoon teachers. After we got Emmanuel in fifth period gym class we’ve had no incidents with him since.
Questions for Reflection
1. Should the team of teachers met sooner to brainstorm why Emmanuel was doing so poor in his afternoon classes?
2. Why do you feel the teachers missed such an obvious sign of misbehavior?
3. Does research suggest that the middle school aged student needs physical activity implemented in their daily curricula? Do you feel middle school aged students need physical activity in their daily curricula? Why or why not?
4. How do you think the teachers should take this finding to their administration?
5. Was it a good idea to limit the meeting to just three teachers and Emmanuel’s mother? Why or why not?
Swap pp. 48-120
Dianne James
Some models of home-school relationships practiced in my school are:
• We select one student from each team and recognize him/her each month. A packet of gifts is presented to the student when the family comes in to have lunch with him/her on this special day. Lunch is a special event with table clothes on the tables and the family and consumer science classroom is used so all conversation is heard and an extended lunch is allowed. The recognition can be for character, overcoming obstacles, academic achievement, or any other positive aspect worthy of recognition. Each team completes a letter explaining the reasons the child is being recognized. The principal distributes the awards, and the pictures hang in the lobby for the school year. In addition, each team has an area on the hall bulletin board recognizing the student for all of his/her peers to see. These are updated monthly and are one of the best practices we do to recognize students and bring parents into our school.
• To establish two-way communication, a school counsel was formed. Meetings are quarterly and minutes are posted to our website for viewing. This enables parent voices to be heard. Unfortunately, this counsel does not represent specific economic classes in our school and meets very early in the morning at 7:15. It is not easily assessable for all of our parent population. The purpose is to say we have a counsel, we meet, and parents are included. Unfortunately, the goal is superficial.
• Partnerships at my school are affected by cultural differences. Children come to us from across town and are often referred to as the “triangle students”. Transportation is an issue for these parents, and some come to our school in a police car because the campus officer will transport them. Homes range from single parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, or foster care as the caregiver. The issues at home are greater than the need to obtain an education; this goal is secondary. Often the conflicts in the neighborhoods come into the schools. One attempt has been made to get this target group to visit our school. An invitation only supper was provided, and many attended. Although the child had been at our school for three years, it was the first time an adult from his/her home had visited the school. I do not know if this event is in the upcoming year’s calendar.
I don't think I'm alone in saying that there are about a million things that I'd rather do than relive my middle school years. I mean, it was basically the same: trying to fit in, trying to please your friends (whoever they were this week), trying to please your parents (even though it didn't seem like it to them) and generally making your way into teen hood.
One documentation if the pain of these excruciating years between childhood and the teen years is found in ‘Not Much Just Chillin': The Hidden Lives of Middle Schoolers. It shows this tough time through the eyes of a handful of students at a suburban Maryland middle school.
All the familiar characters are there. There's Mia, the popular girl who is both impressed and freaked out by her status. There's brainy Liz, the daughter of hippie parents who seem to treat parenting a teenage girl with all the delicacy and strategy of hostage negotiations. Eric, the smart but under-performing boy from a broken home. Lily, who is constantly enamored of her best friend, the popular Mia. Jackie, the sensible girl who gets serial crushes on boys but, so far, hasn't engaged in the reckless sexual behavior of some other girls she knows.
Despite their occasionally childish, self-destructive behavior -- such as blowing of class work that they need to do to pass, or gossiping about a supposed "best friend" behind her back -- we feel for these kids. We root for them, and we look forward to seeing what the future holds for them. It shows middle school for the scary, often heartbreaking experience it is for nearly every kid. Everyone who reads it should be able to identify -- and realizes, finally, that they weren't alone. I can’t wait to finish and see where the whirlwind of characters end up.
Autobiography
I’ve always had a fairly successful relationship with my student’s parents. I was quite proud of the relationship that I was able to build with my public school parents. I taught in a very low “economically disadvantaged” title one school. During college, I always heard the horror stories of parents who refused to participate unless their kids were in trouble. However, my experiences were somewhat better. During our open house, I had exactly two parents out of nineteen show up. I was really disheartened. However, I came to realize that our school did not do the best promotion for events that where parents were welcomed to attend. My success came from constant contact; letters going home, calls to parents cell phones. Any type of reward system I could think of to get letters back of phone calls I did. I just wanted the parents to know that I was here and willing to talk. Throughout the school year I noticed more and more of my parents showing up for “Breakfast with Books”, PTO, and parent-teacher conferences. One of my greatest parent-teacher communication success stories was when we had our first annual “Family Night Out!” This was an event that our school wanted the entire family to attend. We invited all family members – parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings. I was able to contact certain parents and asked them to bring different food items. Not only did they bring a food item but their grandparents did as well! I truly believe we made the entire family feel welcomed. While I had the parents actually at school we were able to talk about their children’s successes and what they needed to improve on. They were also able to see the projects we had been working on in class. I think people were impressed! Also, at the end of that school year, I had ten of eighteen parents show up for our end of the year review and celebration! I truly believe they were thankful to have someone who they could at least talk to in a nonthreatening environment.
My public school parent teacher relationship was much different than my private school parent teacher relationships. I got the same question every time I got up to present an issue to parents, “wait, how old are you and do you know how to teach?” I never told anyone but it would truly bother me. These parents were typical private school parents who had the best behaved and smartest children on the planet. They also knew exactly what method of teaching was best for their child as well as how I should generally teach. Yet, I really appreciated their help at times. I never had to beg anyone to help me with the concession stand or ask people to pack their child enough pencils and paper. However, they would stop me after school in the hall while I was trying to do something for another student, parent, or teacher or if I was trying to tutor another student they must first speak with me because it was of great importance. Finally, I decided that the best option would be to ask the parents to please make an appointment with me and I would be glad to meet with them. However, if they did not have an appointment to meet with me then please do not stop me after school but feel free to call or email me and I will get with them as soon as I could. I wanted them to still feel like they had my attention but I couldn’t continue to let myself get bombarded and overloaded. I couldn’t do my other parents justice because I had two or three parents always acquiring my attention. Once I spoke with the parents and explained what I had to do in order to get to every student’s parent they were much more willing to cooperate. I called this my “cease and desist” move. Many of my fellow teachers followed.
Generally, parent communication is always welcomed. Sometimes it can be overwhelming but it is too important to deny. No matter how you can get it the most important thing is that you receive it openly so that it can be beneficial to the student.
Totally agree with your comments, Ashley. I have mentally blotted out my entire 7th to 12th grade school years. And the characters you named from the book are pretty much the characters I saw when I was a middle schooler and what I see now when I teach middle school. Same title and qualification, different person. My character that I can identify with must be later on in the book.
I did not know we were suppose to put our reading from Swapp on here yesterday.
Swap Pages 48-120
Our school exemplifies more of the protective model. This may be because of the negative attitudes of the parents and edcuators. By the time the students get to the alterantive school everyone seems to be playing the blame game for the lack of success in the students' edcuational process. After my readings, I realize this is only making things worse. We have recently started trying to do better by having the parents come out for food and socializing. I am not sure we really had even the protective model. The disadvantage of not engaging the parents is that the students never see the relational connection between their learning and the larger community. If the students see that their parents and the school has a better relationship, then the students and the school staff will probably have a better relationship which will lead to better academic and behavior success for the students. To be completley honest, I have felt in the past that the parents of my students do not know what to do by the time their children get to the alternative school, so why involve them. I am quickly changing my point of view. I can also agree with Swap that the attitude about parental involvement can be set greatly in part by the administrator. Many times our parents come and misbehave themselves so that when they leave all we say is that now we know where the students get their behavior from. This is sad to admit, but it is true. I like the ideas of the "Comer" process, but I would love to know how they actually got the parents motivated enough to partcipate. I like the idea of offering prizes to the parents or students who attend parental events at school. So many of our students live with single parents who are working two job just to pay the bill,or they live with a gradparent. We actually had someone to go out to the homes year before last; however, most of the addresses were wrong, or the parents would not come to the door, or they had just moved. I do not want to appear to make up excuses, but these are true reasons. The books we are reading in this class are offering numerous ways to increase parental involvement, and I plan to take some of the ideas and suggestions back to school with me.
this is test
Case Study
Anger in the Classroom
My story is about a fifth grade PEC student that I will call Mike. He came to my class for computer instruction daily along with the other fifth graders in his class. Mike seemed to always be angry at the world. He was full of anger toward me and the other students. He would blow up over minor things like when I would tell the class that it was time to practice our typing skills and stop playing the educational compuiter games. He would cause a disturbance in the classroom by yelling obscenities, throwing objects, walking around the room, knocking over furniture and generally causing chaos. This was very distracting for the other students. I knew something had to be done or we would be getting complaints from parents. I set up a meeting with his regular classroom teacher, his PEC teacher, the counselor, the principal, and myself. This is how it went:
Me: I have called you all together today to discuss the problems I am having with Mike. (I described in detail the problems including his disruptive behavior and strong language).
PEC teacher: Well, you know Mike has been diagnosed as being EBD. He lives with his mother along with several siblings. He has no contact with his father. HIs mother is Mexican so his environment and culture is different from the others in his class. I have asked his mother to meet with me to discuss Mike's educational program, but she has never come. I really think Mike has problems that can't be dealt with in a regular classroom.
Classroom teacher: I have been having the same type of problems as Ms. Kell with Mike. He has also started to notice the opposite sex and is constantly putting his hands on the girls inappropriately.
I have tried to stop this but when they are on the playground it's hard to see every single student. I have already had one father to meet with me about this. I just don't know what to do!
Principal: This has to stop! I meet with a group of boys each Wednesday to discuss matter like how to act around girls, among other issues. We call this group the Gentlemen's Club. I think Mike could benefit from this club. I will make sure he attends the next meeting. He could see me in a different light, as a friend not his principal who has been his dsciplinarian. I could be a positve, male role model for him.
PEC teacher: I think that's a wonderful idea. I can also help by
talking to MIke about his anger problems. I will tell him that when he gets angry and feels that he can not control it, he should just walk out of the room and come to me. Hopefully, I will help him to calm down. (She makes sure this is okay with the administrators and other teachers.)
Counselor: Each month I have an Anger management class for students like Mike who have anger issues. I will include him in our next class. A school psychologist comes to the class and discusses anger management with the group. He does activites with the group related to anger management. I think he might be able to help Mike.
Me: I think I will try the reward system. I will tell Mike that if he can stay in his desk and not cause a disturbance in the classroom for three days I will take him to the teachers' lounge for a snack. I will also give him more resposibility, like shutting down the computers in the afternoon. This might help to increase his self-esteem.
Principal: Well, we will try all of the strategies mentioned and see what happens. If it does not work, just send him to the office and he can spend the day with me. We will meet again on this matter.
Epilogue: I am sorry to say that none of the stategies we tried worked for Mike. He eventually was referred to Psycho-Ed and stayed in the Psycho-Ed classroom, exclusively, for the last few months of school.
1. Was the teacher using proper judgement when she called a meeting with her colleagues concerning problems she was having with Mike? Why or Why not?
2. Do you think Ms. Kell received the support she needed from her colleagues? Explain
3. Do you think the administration could have played a bigger part in the discipline of Mike? If so, how?
4. Were ther any other stategies this group of educators could have tried with Mike? If so, what are they?
Extending Activities:
1. Discuss with your class members ways that a teacher might be prepared to handle problems that might come up when teaching EBD students with diverse cultural backgrounds.
Not much, Just Chillin is a gret book for anyone to read but especially for teachers and adults who work with young adolescents. It reminds me of my middle school years. (Back then it was called Junior High) The times have changed along with the slang but the emotions and feelings of the students in this book are the same as when I was there age. This author helps us to get into the minds of these young people and identify with the streses and pressures they are going through. I haven't decided which student I identify with most but I'm still reading. I agree that middle grade students along with their parents should read this book. It might open up some dialogue between parent and child, but I doubt the parents are ready for the kind of openess and frankness presented in this book
As for responding to the Swapp reading, I did not understand that we were to do a separate response on Swapp. My understanding was that we were to apply our readings (Swapp, the ones Karynne gave us Monday, and any we read on our own) to come up with our case study and reflection questions. My understanding was the case study and book circle discussions were the assignment. I am sure Karynne will enlighten us on Monday if this is not the case. Have a great weekend.
Since my book for discussion hasn't arrived, I decided I'd read the comments of those of you reading the "Not much, just chillin'" book. It truly sounds interesting and one I'll be sure to pick up and read later this summer. I look forward to your future blog posts in learning more about the book. I like the idea of sharing books with parents. I'm working on a webpage for my class. I'm going to consider the idea of sharing this sort of info with parents. I'll wait to see how you guys feel after finishing the book and/or when I read it. Thanks for perking my interest.
Swap pp. 48-120
Susan Kell
The most prevalent model I see being used at my school is the Partnership Model. Parents and other family members of our students are involved in almost every aspect of the functioning of Mattie Wells Elementary. We have parents and grandparents at our school daily. The volunteer to work on the school grounds, help with PTA projects, fill in as substitute teachers, or anything else we might need.
The four elements of the Parternership Model are clearly evident at our school. School personnel as well as parents and families are encouraged to communicate with each other on a regular basis. We do this through our school newspaper,our website, conferences, notes sent home, or a simple telephone call. Learning is enhanced at home and school through activities and projects that student work on with their families and teachers. We have a mutual support system between the families of our students and the school. We know we can call parents and get their help when their child is not working to his potential and they can call us for suggestions on how they can help their child. Families and school staff work together to make joint decisions concerning the educational success of the students.
Our parent coordinator does an excellent job of providing opportunities for student families and the school staff to form partnerships. Along with PTA openhouse, we have Accelerated Reading night, Math night, and Science night. Parents are encouraged to participate along with their children in these activities. We always have a big turnout at these events. Our ACE lab is open to families who want to learn more about the computer in order to help their children be successful in the technology based world we are now living in. We have Grandparents Day and Fathers Day in which grandparents and fathers are encouraged to spend the day with their children at school.
We do not have good partnerships with the families of all of our students, but we are working toward that goal. For the most part, we have a good rapport with the families of our students and this makes great partnerships.
Hello Book Circle Friends,
Jimmy- yes let's read the next 5 chapter. Are you reading this book as a parent, teacher, or both? As an educator, do you realize that this goes on with students, but as a parent does it bother you in any way with your child going to middle school?
Susan-I went to a junior high versus a middle school also. I wonder if I would have turned out differently if I had gone to a middle school? I have not firgured out which character reminds me of myself the mosts. I was trying to.
Carla- Glad you could join us. I like that idea about the web page. This really is a great book when you if you get time to read it.
Ashley-I cannot wait to finish the book either. I did turn to the back and read her interview, but I did not read about the characters because I did not want to spoil my future readings. I also like the fact that she used students with a variety of backgrounds. Have you identified with one yet?
Dianne James – Book Circle Comment
I have read the introduction and the first chapter of The Essential Conversation and love the different approach the author, Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot presents about parent-teacher conferences. She interviewed not only teachers, but parents as well. Her insight into the complexity of emotions and communications is engaging to me as a reader.
The title to chapter one sets the stage for the drama that unfolds. Ghosts in the Classroom is the title for chapter 1. I have never thought about a parent/guardian’s bad experience being brought in to a present day conference about his/her’s child. Usually it is twenty years later when the parent/guardian has a parent-teacher conference so I did not even consider the ghosts from the past being an issue or obstacle for the conference. As the Lawrence-Lightfoot(page 4) states, “the adults come together prepared to focus on the present and the future of the child, but instead they feel themselves drawn back into their own pasts, visited by the ghosts of their parents, grandparents, siblings, and former teachers…” Such an obvious observation, which I have never given any thought. In the future, I will ask questions about the parent/guardian’s past experiences and memories of school. Then, I will better understand expectations not only about the child, but about myself as well.
The story about Elizabeth Morgan opened my eyes to a different perspective. I was appalled she felt betrayed by her teacher, and I did not agree with her. However, it made me wonder how often a student had felt betrayed by me. I feel it was my obligation as a teacher to contact parents/guardians about my students. If I am concerned about depression, not eating, or unusual behavior I contact the parent/guardian directly and do not speak with the child first. Sometimes, I refer the student to a counselor if I feel it is serious. On the other hand, if the contact is about good behavior, I do not let the student know. I wonder if he/she has felt betrayed by me because of this…I wonder if Elizabeth would feel the teacher should have spoken with her first before her parents were called if it was a compliment rather than a concern…
Poor Fania White and the pressure to produce results; this is such a sad story. I felt this was a reflection of where we are today with test scores and higher standards for the students. We as teachers are caught up in the fanfare; we forget the children are what are most important. Pressure is great to produce results. The priorities of the teaching profession cannot get lost. It bothered me how Fania defended the teacher. If that were my daughter, the last thing on my mind would be to defend the teacher. No matter what pressure is placed on teachers, there is no excuse to belittle a child and crush his/her dreams.
Hello Book Circle Friends,
Jimmie- I agree Jimmie. Im not sure who I would relate to yet either. I want to keep reading. Im sure its there. It is so true you can see the changes students go through in seasons. I see this even in my fourth grade students. I believe it is probably more apparent in middle school though because of the more drastic changes.
Susan-I went to a private school where the all grades were on the same campus. I wonder if I would have turned out differently if I had gone to a middle school seperately?
Carla- Glad you joined the conversation. I think it is an excellent book to read since you work with this group of children.
Jackie-I cannot wait to finish the book either. What chapters should we have covered by now?
KLMK Responds
Hello 6255'ers--I think you created some useful cases to use to promote discussion with your team. I wonder who will use his/hers or a colleague's. The issues with family/school interactions are, as Carla says, complex. I am glad that you are seeing there is no straightforward answer. I appreciated in Mark's case that the teacher planned to try something else to improve involvement if her current solution didn't bear fruit. I really think that is what we all have to do.
I was not expecting a posting other than your Book Circle and your cases. But I do enjoy reading your thoughts so keep up these additional postings, if you like. I was very happy Susan, that your colleagues helped you figure out the blog. I was also happy that Brittany has joined us.
I find the partnership model VASTLY different than Swap's other types of involvement in her model. What do you think is the main difference? How does Swap compare to Loucks & Waggoner?
I hope you are looking forward to learning about student-led conferences tomorrow. See you soon--klmk
“The Essential Conversation” has finally arrived. I was pleasantly surprised as I read the Introduction to see that the focus would be on teacher/parent conferences. The author relives some of the conferences she witnessed as the child involved and on conferences in which she was the parent involved. As I read, it brought back memories. I don’t remember ever attending a conference as the child, it wasn’t the norm during the time I attended school. I usually waited at home to see/hear what would come from the conferences. However, I have vivid memories as the parent attending a conference, some of them very disappointing and horrific, despite the fact I was an experienced teacher who understood (maybe not?) dynamics of conferencing. It’s a totally different role as the parent. I, too, put on a mask and had a different rhetoric while conferencing with my child’s teachers, than I did when I was out home discussing the situations with my child or spouse. I remember vividly a group of eighth grade teachers in the county in which I now teach, who made me feel like I was on trial throughout the duration of the conference. I was sat in the center front of the room, with each of them spread far apart throughout the room. All that was missing was a spotlight pointed directly at me. They knew I was a teacher, but that made no difference in their demeanor. I went home angry that I had not been more assertive. As a teacher, I always tried to see the teacher’s point-of-view and support her. This was one conference in which I felt the teachers were wrong and rude in their interpretation of the situation. However, I did not stand up for my son as assertively as I should have. I wonder how my son felt about that conference. I honestly can’t tell you…I never asked. I usually just talked to my children about learning to overcome such circumstances and still do their best despite the teacher. One of the teachers in this group refused to talk with me when I stopped by the school for a moment. I simply wanted to ask a question, but she could barely lift her head and acknowledge my question, only to state I should make an appointment. Later in the year, I did a long-term substitution for one of the teachers in this group. Working with them as a teacher shed a light upon their attitudes towards parents. It was not a pleasant experience on either side. Interestingly, this group of teachers helped me, as a teacher, to turn a corner in my own dealing with parents. For example, unless circumstances dictate otherwise, I always form a tight circular seating with parents, a closeness, the idea that we are together in this educational process. I always strive to make sure that the appearance of “being on trial” is not present in our conference. As this book suggests, most of us never received formal training to building relationships with parents/families. It is through our own history and experience that we navigate these waters, hoping not to drown until we find firm footing on the shores of successful family/school communication.
I have been a teacher in numerous conferences over the past 2 ½ decades. I can honestly say I feel much more confident, knowledgeable, and understanding when working with parents now than I did as a younger teacher. There is something to be said about bringing your own children through the public school system that truly enlightens a teacher when dealing with parents of the children you teach. I have so much more patience and empathy now. I’ve experienced every imaginable situation possible (I’ll eat these words one day!), from the parent who adores you to the parent who blames you for everything wrong in society, from the parent who showers you with thank you gifts to the parent who accuses you of wrongdoing, from the parent who is all-knowing and domineering to the parent who is desperate for help of any kind, from the parent who challenges what you teach to the parent who wishes you would teach their child every year until they graduate, and so on. The author, Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, promises an interesting read in what she describes as the dance between parents and teachers on the “borderlands between families and schools” (p. xi). As Dianne describes, chapter 1 offers real-life experiences of teachers and parents. It is an interesting read and one that gives food for thought as I look forward to the coming year and all the parents I will dance with at the borderlands.
Chapter One Summary:
This chapter deals with the shared responsibility between family and the community in order to help middle school students succeed. It is also our jobs as teachers to draw people in to help educate every child. It concludes with the author wanting the reader to reflect on the past and the possible future of the middle school.
"Not Much Just Chillin'" Chapters 5-8
I did not realize that boys were just as worried about their physical appearance as girls in middle school. Perlstein also noted that middle school age is where they will experience the most physical change since they were babies. Now it is more obvious why they are so hard to understand. It is because they are literally changing mentally, emotinally, and physically. I know some of students have pains in there legs and someone told them they were having "growing pains." I like the way the teachers were taught to divided the class into four segments on page 69. This goes along with their short attention span. Actually, I am guilty of a short attention span as an adult. Another interesting thought to me was about stay-at-home parents during the middle school years. I thought that would be the prime time for a stay-at-home parent to go back to work if that is what they preferred. Perlstein states that psychologists and educators say differently. Eric, in the book, was like some of my parents when I call for something good their child has done. Last year of my kids would actally ask me to call if they did something good. I have never read research done in such a personal way. This book reminds me of action research. Again, I say, this book is shocking while informaitve. I can imagine parents and edcuators of middle school children reading this book and thinking, "oh that's why!"
Family Involvement
It has been documented that family involvement has great benefits for student achievement and attitude. Unfortunately, the degree of family involvement decreases in middle school for a variety of reasons. One of the main reasons is that parents feel academically inferior due to lack of education themselves or cultural differences. Another problem with family involvement in middle school is the fact that families are not familar with middle school practices. Communicating middle school policies and how they are related and also how they are independent should be a prority of middle school teachers.
Educators must be competent in communicating with the parents of middle school children during a time when it becomes increasingly difficult to do so. It is imperative to make parents feel welcome and comfortable on day one during back to school night open house activities. Once the relationship has been established, parents, teachers, and students alike will be more relaxed during parent-teacher conferences and student-led conferences and the desired outcomes will be more easily attained.
Different Communication Tools
After face to face communication, the next most personal communication method is a telephone call, in which teachers should not strictly call with conflicting issues, but more so positive and encouraging remarks. Probably the most frequently used form of communication is the written word, which can be seen in the form of progress reports, report card comments, general school information typically sent home in the beginning of the year, announcements of meetings/events, or fund raising information. The most technologically advanced technique for communicating could be demonstrated on free websites to electronically display announcements, due dates, or assignments; however, one must be careful because not all households have the internet capability within reach. Communication, like all other aspects of life, get easier with time and the only way to completely and successfully acquire the skill is to openly and conscientiously converse with parents on a regular basis.
Opportunities for Involvement
Besides communicating with parents, we also need to invite families to participate in all aspects of the school’s environment and be appreciative of the services they offer. Invitations need to be extended at the beginning of the school year to the families in addition to detailed planning, organizing, and implementing of the volunteers services so they are comfortable in the school environment.
COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT
Community is in education whether we (or they) like it or not. The community is a means of financial support. Some communities are a source of physical comfort, relative safety, family participation, and recreational and cultural options.
One of two success stories of community is Prince George's County Maryland Superintendent using the "Children's First" campaign to get the community involved in a partnership with the schools.
The other success story is The Guilford Middle School used an existing program TOPS (Teaching Our Pupils Success) to initiate a comprehensive program called "Expanding Horizons" to spark the interests of the residence in this low-income housing project community based on 8 goals.
After School Programs
After school programs enhance students socially and cognitively. Programs that are effective provide positive relationships between adults and young adolescents, enriching activities, and a safe place. They also balance rec recreational and academic capacities. These goals are achieved by partnering with businesses in the community. Some examples are include the Boys and Girls Club and the YWCA.One school system with low student success started a successful "Children's First" program that involved raising student achievement with the help of the community and parents.
TRANSITIONS
The transitions from elementary to middle school and from middle to high school have the elements of many adolescents' worst social nightmares-not knowing anyone, being ignored by peers, getting lost, and confronting demanding classes and teachers" (Allen, 2001, p.1). Educators and instructors must make a conscious choice the recognize, analyze, and tap the various needs of middle schoolers. The needs of middle schoolers range far beyond academic foundations boundaries. These barriers include but are not limited to diversity of background, ability, motivation, and life circmstances. For many, middle school may be the best, last hope of successfully moving into and out of confidence.
Recognizing Exemplary Middle Schools
In the struggle to be an exemplary middle school, one must acknowledge that there is not a checklist that can accomplish this goal, but rather a need for stake holders to create a balance based on the “needs, strengths, and diversity” of the students/community. There are basic tenets considered by most educators as absolutes for middle schools: teaming, heterogeneous grouping, and active learning strategies. Balance needs to be maintained by not taking tenets to an extreme, thus losing their effectiveness, i.e. empowerment of teachers, but not including parent and student views in decisions. Rather than checking a list, the key to creating exemplary schools is to equip ourselves with “options and the judgment to know when and how to implement and adjust”.
Not Much, Just Chillin' Ch 5-8
First of all, I haven't identified with any of the students yet and kind of glad that I haven't. I probably can compare one of my students with one in the book.
Being a middle school teacher and a parent of a middle schooler, I don't know which hat I should have on. The chapters so far are focusing on 7th graders (Liz, Mia, etc) and 8th graders (Eric, etc) and my son is entering the 6th grade. I can use this as an insight of what could happen but I pray it doesn't. I am already witnessing some of this during the five years I've been teaching.
Liz's parents are really concerned. In chapter 5, her father realizes that she is growing up as he observes how she trick-or-treat. At least he is being observant.
Chapter 6 focuses on Eric. He is very capable of doing but does not do. That sounds like a gifted child but refuses to show it maybe because of being teased or Eric just wants to be "just like everyone else". I've a few like Eric and all I could do is encourage and push.
Chapter 7 focuses on sexual harassment and the "freaking". Even though the students joke about it, they do take it seriously. They are thinking of possible scenarios of what could be considered sexual harassment. I am glad they are at least thinking. The "freaking" goes on now. And that is mostly our fault. If you are going to play music that causes you to "freak", what do you expect. It states "Booty Call" was being played. What do you expect! My school is guilty of this. One year I was chaperoning the Spring Fling and this couple was "freaking". I told them to stop and they looked at me as I was crazy. On top of that, none of the other chaperons
stopped the others from "freaking" so I stopped too.
Chapter 8 coincides with the parent conference reading from Loucks & Waggoners. Liz's parents handled the conferences quite well. When they weren't satisfied of what they heard, they kept probing until they were satisfied.
It also discusses the wackiness of a middle schooler. Parents want to help but don't know how. There is a middle ground but no one knows where it is and don't have a clue of how to get there. Middle schoolers want the help but don't ask. They want to be babied but they don't want to be babied. What worked today, definitely does not work 15 minutes later. The parents got to read codes and signals and that is one thing I fail. I am unable to read gray. It must be plain for me. Middle school years are definitely confusing and trying times.
What bothers me the most about this book is the sexual devilment these students are engaging. I am speechless.
Wow, I feel I learned much from your short summaries without having to read all the material. Family-school interactions involve so much from how and why to communicate to involving the community. It surprises me how much most of us learn this through trial and error. Thanks for doing such a conscientious job 6255ers!
klmk
Jimmie, You are correct in that middle school students want to be treated like adults but disciplined liked small children. I also agree that many parents are concerned and desire to help, but they lack the "know how". As long as I have taught middle school, the sexual discussions in this book still bother me; however, I know they are reality. We have students come to school and tell us horror stories about what sexual activities happen on the buses. Liz parents reminds me of one of the families we read about in class today also.
Because I am not a middle school teacher or a parent of a middle schooler, some of the situations in the book, Not Much Just Chillin, come as a surprise to me.
Chapter five begins with Liz trick-or-treating. She appears in her “snug halter and low-rider bell bottoms”. Halloween was different for the girls this year as they stayed on the sidewalks and calmly walked from house to house. Their dads began to notice they were growing up.
Chapter six focuses on Eric. Eric thinks the world of his father, who he rarely sees, and his grades are slipping quicker and quicker. He is capable of doing the work; however, chooses not to. We all have children like this in the aspect of they perform when they want to, and don’t when they don’t feel the need to. All a teacher can do is encourage the students to do their best and continually persuade them to reach their potential.
Chapter seven focuses on sexual harassment and the "freaking". During the school dance, “Booty Call” was being played. When we as educators put the students in these situations, what message are we sending? We are telling them it is okay, and even though the chaperones were walking around checking for the “freaking”, the idea should have never been present.
Just like my fourth grade students, middle schoolers want help, but they refuse to ask. They want you to love on them, but then they don’t. They want to please you, then they worry what their friends will think. Just like their parents have to figure out their moods, we do too. The beginning of the school year will not be like the end of the year. All in all, we as educators must come up with a course of action that can not only help middle schoolers survive, but help us survive with them.
Chapter 1-7, Autumn
Not much just chillin’ is a must read for anyone whose life involves middle school children. This includes teachers, parents, and workers in after school programs. As I read the first seven chapters there were many past students of mine who came to mind immediately that could easily replace the characters in the book. I also was able to reminisce on my own experience as a middle school child and it is amazing just how accurate this book was to my own life experience. The bottom line is that middle school kids today are not much different than those from fifteen years ago and probably not much different from kids fifteen years from now. As an educator the main thing I can take from what I have read so far is that it is impossible to change the biological functions that make middle school kids unique. The best thing you can do is be there for them and listen to the concerns they have and build a trusting relationship so that they will be more likely to come to you for advice and be comfortable with asking questions that can help them figure out who they are. This is what a middle schoolers’ life is, trying to figure out who they are and where they fit into the world.
Jimmie, I wonder why you feel you can't relate to any of the students in the book but I can find one of my students in every child listed. This past year we even had an incident in the bathroom that played out almost exactly as did the one in the book. I think sometimes adults are naive to what children are doing but if we open our eyes the truth will be revealed.
Mark, I think you misunderstood me. I can identify some of my students as being Liz, Eric, Jimmy, etc. I am trying to see if I could be one of these kids. But I did a sneak peek at chapters 9 & 10 and I think I have found me as a middle schooler. We will see next week!
Not Much Just Chillin'
I am still not sure which one I connect with as a student either.I can picture the students I teach being like almost each one of the students in the book. Mark you are right. We need to be there for the middle school students, and this book helps us get a sneak peak insided what it is like to be one of them to help us better understand how to relate to our students and what's going on in their body and mind. This book is a wonderful revalation.
Book Circle Response
Dianne, I agree. I love the approach of the author in delving into the past experiences of both teachers and parents. I believe intuitive teachers pick up on the occasional ghost when parents make statements about the type of student they were as an excuse for their own child. The problem is we usually shrug it off as an excuse rather than giving it thought and adjusting our interaction with the parent. I am not so sure I would make it a habit in future conference experiences to first ask parents about their past as this would create awkwardness and distraction from the child here and now. However, I do believe we need to be more cognizant of and acknowledge statements/reactions of parents in giving context to the bigger story of the child. As for specific stories in chapter 1, I can identify. I unfortunately do recall instances in the first part of my career when I believe I crushed the optimism of a girl in order to “help” her realize she was equal to her classmates, not superior. This is one of my big regrets of “stupid” acts as a teacher. I do recall unknowingly disappointing another girl by what I thought was an innocent statement. A parent told me in a conference the effect the statement had on the girl. I was humbly apologetic. Rearing my own children and maturity of age has had a major impact on understanding these sorts of issues. Enjoy the weekend.
Book Circle Friends
Carla, like you, I never attended a conference between teachers and my parents. There were quite a few when I attended elementary school, which was K-8. Unfortunately, most of the conferences occurred during my sixth grade year and was all for disciplinary reasons. I was rather defiant at that age.
I have reflected over my experience with parent conferences, and can recall many times that I wished I had not said something, or wished that I had said something. Parents today do not hesitate to speak their feelings and often I am reminded of that during a conference. The hardest aspect for me is when asked advice for parenting, and I do not feel qualified since I do not have children of my own. However, I have learned to give the advice. Even though I do not have children of my own, I parented two grandchildren for over sixteen years. Once I realized there was little difference, I offer advice.
Although I agree with you about needing to be more cognizant of and acknowledge statements/reactions of parents in giving context to the bigger story of the child, I am unsure about how to do this. Great idea, but will I be able to do this? I do not know how, but I will try.
I am sad to say that I was party to putting parents in the middle, and making them feel they were in the spotlight during a conference. It has been in the last five years this technique has not been practiced with parent-teacher conferences. Automatically, the parents were on the defensive, whether they needed to be on the defensive or not.
I am looking forward to reading the next two chapters. Have a great weekend!
My Essential Conversations…
The best thing to ever happen to me during my teaching career was called Mrs. Linda Justice. She was a God-send, an angel, and truly an advocate for all children regardless of national origin, ethnicity, or religious background. Before our paths crossed, I was part of the ‘Teacher Terminators”. I sat in conference after conference in which we were in control, had all the expertise, and rendered the last word. All of our conferences were for discipline reasons and/or failing reasons. If they didn’t come when we called, we didn’t call again. I was part of the team, I didn’t know better.
Growing up, conferences for disciplinary reasons, was unheard of because school was a job. My mother was a stay at home mother and a constant figure inside and outside of the school. Getting in touch with her was not hard to do because she was always available; my father, on the other hand, firmly planted in our minds and on our behinds that we worked to provide and we worked to prosper. I never had the privilege to know how the other half lived until I became a teacher. During my first few years of teaching, I had to break the barrier of superiority before I could reach one.
It wasn’t until I was changed to Mrs. Justice’s team that I realized that I was missing the whole picture when it came to parent-teacher conferences. In the beginning, I often felt that she was playing Dr. Phil with the parents because she was always going below the surface of things to get children (who had to be present) and parents to open up. After she penetrated ‘the great wall’, we, as a team, were able to service the whole child and not baby-sit from 7:00 to 3:00.
Our conferences didn’t put parents on the hot seat, we sat in a circle. She always started by listening and we always ended with strategies that both sides agreed upon to insure the success of that particular child. She never taught to the masses, she taught each student. She was adamant to meet each parent by the month of October. She wanted them to know that we were there for them, what our credentials were, and their child was a priority. Often times in conferences, she would tell stories to ease tensions or to let parents know that we, too, were human. Mrs. Justice’s voice was very calm and soothing, and parents and children loved her for many years after leaving our confines.
To this very day, even after Mrs. Justice’s retirement, we try to keep many of her practices alive and well. We find that our implementations must be modified drastically to accommodate ‘today’s child’, but nonetheless we are known as the nurturing team. Most of students are still transitioning to middle school and are less threatening.
The Essential Conversation addresses many memories of conferences present and past of parents who were both reachable and unreachable. I have encountered many of these parents, and I have been enlightened with many facets as to how to communicate and infuriate.
Book Circle
I am about 3/4 finished with Not Much, Just Chillin. I am also reading Jodi Picoult's Nineteen Minutes which is about a school shooting in a fictitious high school. The similarities in the two books are amazing. The feelings and emotions of the students in this fictitious high school are very much like the students in Not Much, Just Chillin. The main character(the shooter) in Picoult's book has a very low self-esteem brought about by years of being bullied, made fun off and put down by other students. He says things similar to Eric in Not Much, Just Chillin,like "I would like to just blow up the school." I'm sure many students think these kind of thoughts at some time, but what makes some actually do it? Just like Eric, the shooter was hooked on video games that were violet in nature. When I think back on my school years, I do not ever remember a school shooting, However wwe did not have video games. It makes me wonder how many of the school shootings we hear about today have their roots in video games. As I read Not Much, Just Chillin, I see many of my students in these characters. Although I think I was a composite of all of the students described, I most identify with Lily. She is a follower at school but at home she is a leader. She pretends to be tough with her parents and sister but at school she is a bit shy and clings to her best friend Mia. She gets very jealous if Mia hangs around with other girls. I had feelings like this as a middle schooler and I'm sure many others did also. I like the character Jackie who has decided to get serious with her school work so thet she can pursue her goal of becoming an actress. She appears to be a fun loving person but also one who can be serious when she needs to be, much like our own Jackie in EDMG 6255. It's obvious that the author has spent a great deal of time researching for her book in order to be so correst in the way she describes characteristics and emotions of middle schoolers. I have gained a lot of insght into the minds of students of this age and I plan to apply that knowledge as I continue to work with these students who really are "in the middle."
Friends & Colleagues,
I REALLY enjoy reading your posts and noticing the very courteous ways you treat one another. Susan's comment about "our" Jackie and your use of first names makes me wonder how you have come to be so thoughtful of each other. I also appreciate the candor with which each of you relates your own experiences. I wonder what, if anything, that says about you and this class.
I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. I must go home and work on my banana bread!
klmk
Susan, I was wondering if I reminded myself of the character Jackie. I did not know if having the same name persuaded me or not. I was going to keep reading and see if I continued to identify with her. I wonder if she is a mornig person:.)
Hello Book Circle Club: Not Much Just Chillin' chapters 9-12
The first thing that gets my attention in chapter 9 is when Jimmy stated that part of growing up was growing out of people. As an adult, I have learned that some people are only in your life for a season. I am surprised a middle school child would think that. When I was that age, I thought everyone was in my life for good.
In chapter 10, I agree with Perlstein that many junior-high schools only changed by name only to middle school. It is amazing that the middle school concept came out in the sixties, and some middle schools still act like junior high schools in 2008.I like and agree with the qualities Perlstein attributes to good middle school teachers and that as of 2002 many states mandated their teachers to be certified in middle grades. I actually believe administrators should be tailored for the middle school level also. Perlstein stated that many middle schools became places to simply cultivate good people but left out the curriculum part which showed up academically. I think everyone realized that, and the "Eight Year Study Revised" does a great job of detailing how that situation was taken fixed.
Chapter Eleven spoke about how race, income, and other differences played a major part as to how students pick their friends.I had to read page 132 three times. The part about the girls having a crush on one another even though there was no sexual componenet involved. I tried to think if I ever felt that way about any of my female friends at that age. I just could not bring myself to call it a crush. Maybe her and my definition of crush is different.
Now, I can definitely relate to Elizabeth's mood swings in chapter twelve. I had the most mood swings in middle school. Maybe it was my harmones or something.
I almost read chapter 13 because it was so short, but I guess I can wait, or maybe I will go ahead and read but post later. Hope to hear from you all soon.:)
Not Much, Just Chillin'-The Saga Continues
Howdy, Book Circle Bookaroos!
We come to the part of the book where relationships are important, no matter how strange they may be, education and a mental breakdown happens. Middle schoolers are constantly evolving and believe it or not, thinking. They are trying to find out who is really their friend (Mia wants to know if she has friends because she is popular or because it is just her.), education has to be better than how you are delivering it to me (Eric's concerns about how this applies to my life.), and the pressures of trying to be perfect. Elizabeth broke down in school when the last straw was added to the camel's back but what baffled me is that she went home like nothing happened.
As an educator, I have seen and heard all of this. Students will cringe when they discover a certain teacher is at school. "He is so boring" and "I don't like going to that class because it the same thing all the time" can be heard from students complaining about how some educators handle their classroom instruction. I am unable to give suggestions because these educators are not receptive but their classroom management also is less desirable because of this.
The mental breakdown is due to all the pressures of trying to please everyone but yourself. Been there, done that. Haven't resolved that issue yet. Elizabeth has a support system available but she uses Mr. West. The ever fluctuating middle schooler is a very unique creature.
Jackie, I am not too shocked about students choosing friends from what I will label their comfort zone. But that page 132, I raised the eyebrow. In fact, in one of the previous chapters, a boy said he had liked another boy when they were in elementary. Relationships like this need to be watched closely because I think it could turn into something tragic.
What I take from these chapters is that all educators need to read chapter 10 and then do a self-evaluation. Out of the mouth of babes come the truth.
Dear Book Circle Friends:
This is one of the most interesting books I have read about parents and teachers educational relationships. It is helping me to realize so much about past conferences and discussions with parents that I never considered. The title of chapter 2, Natural Enemies (yikes) has not been a title I have crossed in my education literature describing parent-teacher discussions. As Lawrence-Lightfoot states, “But most parents and teachers will admit that despite the civil tones and the polite decorum characteristic of the exterior of most conferences, the space between them is full of mines ready to explode and that bloodshed is just as likely as balm, adversity just as likely as alliance” (p. 43). I have not been in a war with guns, but I recall conferences where the words spoken were gunfire aimed at my head.
I love her reference to querencia. We need a place to retreat when the discussions become heated, but I will confess, I avoid heated discussions and disagreements. Her discussion about Waller is harsh at times, but brutally honest. Conflict between parents and teachers may occur when discussing the child, but no matter what the information should be honest. Remembering “the child is the bridge” and all parties want what is best for the child, does not mean everyone will agree. Molly has an excellent system to contact parents and begin on a positive note. A couple of her procedures I will incorporate into my plans for the coming year. I agree that “teachers are both bridge builders and gatekeepers” and we should initiate contact and not become intimidated by the possible conflict that may arise from the truths we speak. Unfortunately, I am good at avoiding conflict!
Chapter 3 speaks about the truths. When the teacher speaks plainly and honestly, parents get mad and we get in the middle. The parents complain to the administrator and we are reprimanded. So how do we handle this or prevent it from happening? Unfortunately, we avoid the direct conversation completely. I am good at this, and e-mail is a great way to avoid the face-to-face confrontation.
Lawrence-Lightfoot references Dewey’s writings concerning communication with parents about their children. (I will go back and read this again, because I did not get the same meaning as described in this chapter.) Building a trust between the teachers and parents is very important, but it should never be predictable and ritual. I do not agree with everything Dewey says, but certain aspects of his viewpoint are accurate. The child is the focal point and the “whole” child is a priority.
Sophie is a great model to follow. I am impressed with her and plan to copy some of her techniques. Her method of letting the child’s work illustrate key points to the parents about what he/she is learning is insightful. It means a great deal to parents for teachers to show evidence of how teachers draw conclusions about their children. The child’s presence during the meeting empowers the child and gives him/her voice about what he/she is learning. Wow! This is powerful! It is sad I have only used this strategy to show a problem with children when I could have been bragging on so many of them. Maybe I can be like Molly and have my students lead the presentations to parents while I facilitate the progress.
The Essential Conversation – Chapter One
This chapter is entitled “Ghost in the Classrooms” and it starts out with a very likely story of a father leaving a parent teacher conference and making sure that he has the last word. He defends his child by exploding at the teacher as he is leaving. I’ve seen this story played out time and again. A defensive parent trying to get their point across while exploding at the teacher. Lightfoot also insinuates that when a parent comes to meet with their child’s teacher they begin to draw on their past experiences, hence the “Ghost in the Classrooms.”
A prime example that I have witnessed is when I had to meet with a parent because their child was falling so far behind in reading. It was obvious the parents knew why we were calling them in. We had documentation stating they had been to very similar conferences in the past. You could see in the parent’s face they were already on the defense even before we began to discuss certain issues. As a first year teacher, my heart sank and I too was dreading this meeting. I didn’t speak much in that meeting but the tone of the parents was clear. After reading the first chapter, I can’t tell if the parents were drawing on personal experiences from their childhoods or experiences with their child?
I can’t remember ever reading a topic that was as new to me as, The Constructions of Capitalism (pg. 34). Maybe it is all about a student going faster and farther. That was the mentality I was raised on. What happened to attaining the deeper meaning of something? Has this theory fallen by the waste side? I liked Andrea’s concept of “challenges is to find out what is under the behavior we don’t like” (pg. 35). I always ask why can’t this student learn what he or she is doing is wrong! I often forget to ask myself, why is a child behaving in this manner or what could this be stemming from? I appreciate this process and it will help me to think and act differently the next time a student consistently makes the wrong decisions.
The Essential Conversation: Natural Enemies
As I began reading chapter two of "The Essential Conversation" it opens with an analogy used where the parent teacher conference is like a bullfighting arena! I loved it! We, parents and teachers, need that certain place to feel safe, our querencia. This chapter deals with the inherit way parents and teachers are natural enemies and how we must work together as one cohesive unit. We do not naturally get along or see eye to eye but we must make that special effort in order to achieve student success.
I can’t imagine what Sophie must have felt. To have someone say – or imply - that you do not care about your students would be hurtful to any teacher. I’ve learned this is just one of the ways a parent can truly hurt the feelings of a teacher as well as their reputation. I’ve often felt like the “hired-help” (pg. 49). I worked at a private school where influential parents reign. We were often told what we should do and what was best for each individual student. However, I had to stand up for what I felt was best for the students, as did Sophie.
Lightfoot is right, “When meetings lack real substance and are designed to avoid truth-telling, when the ritual turns into mechanical, meaningless routine, the participants will walk away feeling disappointed and cheated” (pg. 49). I’m learning this lesson more and more as I become a more experienced teacher. Parent’s know when you are not being honest or sincere with them. It seems to be a sixth sense they’ve acquired. If only I could have read Molly’s “elaborate system of interaction with parents” (pg. 61). This system seems to encourage more parental input. For the upcoming school year I am going to try to focus on building better and more sincere relationships with my parents. This can only help with the success of our students and build more parent involvement.
Not Much, Just Chillin
(through chapter 13)
As much as I have enjoyed the book thus far, I can not say middle schoolers and the lives they live have been that much of a shock to me. When Eric got bored in class and walked out it reminded me of a student I taught two years ago. This particular student asked if he could go to the bathroom and never came back. He left campus and ended up at the ACE Hardware store. He later told me that he needed to buy something and wanted to get it before he forgot about it. Typical Middle School behavior? Maybe, maybe not, but after reading about Eric it makes me feel better about my situation.
Instant Messaging seems to be the new fad. I guess picking up the phone and actually carrying on a conversation takes too much effort. Again, not surprising. Today's youth are keeping up with the current trends. I remember when the fad was having a beeper and we would beep each other using numbers as code words and phrases.
I was shocked with one particular story however. I was unaware of the crushes young girls have on other girls. Lily seemed to be very "curious" about Mia. I assume the flirting being done, the patting on the butt, and the crawling on Mia, is typical behavior of young girls. The author would always say, "just kidding" after mentioning these acts which lead me to believe they were done on purpose. It even seemed as though Lily was jealous when she found out Mia had a boyfriend. If this behavior is typical someone please enlighten me?
Hello Book Circle Gals
It is indeed interesting to delve into “undiscussable” topics that we should discuss. It is fabulous for any teacher, including me, to realize that we have all experienced the spectrum of interactions with parents. It is more valuable to remove the “masks of perfection” we all want to portray to one another and unveil the hidden hurts and concerns we experience in dealing with parents. This book is refreshing as it roams through the treasure-troves of teachers willing to share what works and share what does not. I enjoyed the stories of each teacher. Jane’s openness and bridge-building tactics were all encompassing, yet she still realized the need to draw the boundary lines. In fact, several interviewees talked of this openness with boundaries. Jennifer is quite wise is balancing the bad news with good news. I sometimes refer to this as the sandwich technique. Molly Rose sounds like a firecracker of a teacher. I admire her insistence upon 100% participation from her parents, and her assurance of transparency, accessibility, and fairness. I like her idea of the “listening” conference where she just listens and learns from the parent about the child (early in the year). I believe it is of paramount importance to listen to parents, “to mine the parents’ wisdom about their child, to learn all that you can about how they see their child (p. 68).” However, it is just as important for the parent to listen to the child the teacher knows. In the midst of this reading, I found a slogan I want to live when it comes to my students: “See them whole and help them grow (p. 70).” According to Sophie, parents are an essential resource to see children whole. Chapter 3 focuses on straight talk from both the parent and the teacher. I truly believe parents want the truth, as do teachers. Parents, as well as teachers, do not always know how to handle the truth, but they would rather have the truth and bear through the mines that may occur than to sit through a conference of pleasantries. No one grows, parent, child, nor teacher, from 30 minutes of pleasantries and rhetoric. I was thrilled to read of the student-led conferences Molly Rose uses with her first graders. Conferencing is all about the child. Lawrence-Lightfoot’s conclusion from interviewing these teachers is:
“What is most important…is creating a “safe place” [querencia] and a “trusting relationship” where the adults [teachers and parents], who each care deeply though differently about the child, can share their unique perspectives and speak the truth (p. 46).”
Not Much, Just Chillin
Besides beig a very educational book on middle grades students, this is one of the funniest books I have ever read! In chapter 29 when Elizabeth gets off the bus and the bus driver yells to everyone that she has DIARRHEA I thought I would die! Although I know how embarrassed she must have been, when she gets older she will be able to laugh about it but it will take a long time.
oops! It's chapter 21 not 29.
Dear Book-Circle Group:
From reading what you have written, I feel we all have the same mutual respect for this book thus far. It is refreshing to have the honesty that Carla speaks about in her comments, and I agree with all the key ideas you covered. I do not have the years of experience you have, but I have two key conferences that changed my life forever. With one, I had to do a lot of soul searching, but I laid the truth out there to the parents. It is unfortunate when a learning disable child has not been diagnosed until the eighth grade. For two years, the mother accepted the teachers’ validation that it was a phase simply because he was not a behavior problem. Boy! What an injustice the system did to this child.
It is sad to feel you are only ‘hired-help’. I do not know if I have felt that way…I have felt my opinion was not valued, but as you referenced, Brittney, I have not worked in a private school system. I agree with you about parents knowing if you are being honest or not. I feel strongly that it is okay to say, “I really don’t know.” The respect for this is greater than lying to sound like you are knowledgeable about the child. I too sometimes forget the whole child, but reading this book is giving me a great deal of insight into past mistakes so I will not make them in the future. Like Carla, the first grade student led conferences was impressive. I would love to see this in action!
Have a great weekend!
Ashley,
I hope you are feeling better. Have a good weekend.
Dianne
I believe there are times we all have felt like “hired help”, but intellectually knew this was not the case. However, feelings are important and cause for self-examination. I truly believe parents and teachers alike want the best for the child, but sometimes we expect more of each other than either is capable of giving. It is like the parent on the sideline who thinks the coach does not know how to coach. The next season, the parent becomes the coach and suddenly realizes how different it is from the other side. I think that is why teachers who are also parents find they handle themselves differently than they did before they had their own children. When you have been on both sides, you have a greater empathy and understanding for both roles. Brittney, you will gain more experience, but as I told my struggling son last night, the bumps of life will surely repeat themselves if you do not take the time to learn from them. Do not beat yourself up when that parent stomps all over you, but rather learn and grow. I was not kidding you in class when I said each decade of life gets better, each year of teaching gets better too. Just remember that parent is a human deserving of respect, just as the teacher is.
Not Much Just Chillin'
Jimmie, I do not think Elizabeth knew how to express herself. At that age, most of my answers were either "I don't know", or "I don't care"
Mark, What as the student's consequence for leaving campus?
The student that left campus was sent to the alternative school for the remainder of the year. I never heard from him this past year at the high school. Unfortunately, he probably dropped out of school. Of course this is mere speculation but the truth hurts. It is for reasons like these that I enjoy teaching middle school age kids. We can be the ones who help them overcome the adversities in their lives. Sometimes we are successful, other times we are not, but to me the reward is in the effort I put forth.
Dianne- Thank you so much! I do feel much better! See you tomorrow.
Ashley
Not Much Just Chillin
Jackie and Jimmy- (Ch. 9) Thinking back to middle school, I can remember thinking these are the people I would know and be friends with forever. I didn't know any better. In middle school, I could never have foreseen the events and teenage drama that would change not only who I was friends with, but also me.
In Chapter 11, it talks about girls having crushes on one another without there being anything sexual. I think back to my middle school days and while I never had a "crush" on a girl, I can remember how much friends, especially my friends who were girls, meant to me. As a middle schooler, friends are the world and I wonder if that is what this scenario was representing.
I can relate to Elizabeth when she broke down at school and went home like nothing happened. I can remember having terrible days, yet as soon as I stepped foot into the car, I acted fine. It was easier that way. My response was always that school was fine and I had a good day...regardless of the actual events.
Students Instant Messaging does not surprise me at all. I think back and we used text messaging. Children keep up with the latest technology and fads, and that hasn't changed. The format is just different.
Dear Book Circle Friends:
Chapter 4, Inequalities and Entitlements, left me deep in thought. I agree with “… parent-teacher conferences become an area for – perhaps a metaphor for – our high ideals and our dashed dreams, for navigating the shoals of our deep cultural disappointments in schools” (p. 110). There appear to be a great deal of disappointments in school, and educators are often blamed for our inabilities to correct the shortcomings of the children we teach. Frequently, we do not fill it is our place to make the corrections, but often the responsibilities are placed on us. I am not sure I agree with the equality viewpoint by Christopher Jencks, but I do agree the prejudice and bias exists in our society. As Lawrence – Lightfoot states, “Again, these contradictory expectations of the school’s role – in leveling the playing field and producing winners and losers – have a huge impact on parental demands and teacher expectations” (p. 114). Wow! Do I have this much power? Do I really produce losers? I would hate to think that I do.
I have not felt it was my place to educate parents. It is neither my expertise nor my desire to do so. I do feel, however, it is my place to offer assistance and guidance. Sometimes parents ask and sometimes I offer. Just because a parent is not great does not mean he/she is a bad parent. It is not my place to judge this. I found it intriguing the parents who are set on students succeeding may not be allowing the students to enjoy or engage in the present (p. 116). Focusing on future success does not allow for enjoyment in the present. I really had not thought about this aspect of parenting and education. I guess that too much of anything can turn out to be bad for you in the end. The parental drive for success of children is attributed to high stress in adolescents and possibly high suicide rates. Isn’t that what occurred in Japan?
With needy students, I often struggle with where to draw the line. It is not easy for me to decide, but I remind myself that I am a math teacher, not a counselor, not a psychologist, and not a mother. I would not wear a button proclaiming that I am not the students’ mother like the teacher in the book. I felt that was rude!
Educational equity was discussed, as well as the definition of equity. The following put my mind in a spin…I have not thought about this before, but the thought of it really depresses me.
We must not expect our schools to be the primary engines for creating a just and healthy society, the primary institutions on which we rely to fix our troubled cultural fabric. If we continue to expand our aspirations for the schools’ role in society, we will inevitably experience disappointments when they don’t meet our expectations, and these disappointments will take a root most prominently and vividly in parent-teacher encounters (p. 144).
I wonder if these disappointments are why public opinion is negative toward public education. Education in America is frequently in the political area and we are compared to other cultural education systems often. Unfortunately, we do not get a good report card with these comparisons.
Chapter 5 did not affect me to the degree Chapter 4 did. My heart went out to Fania and her two sons. I am ashamed of those teachers for not helping the older son. Doesn't this have everything to do with excellence and equity?
Dianne
Good morning Book Circle Friends
I am so glad that I chose to read this book this summer. It has been truly rewarding. I admire gifted writers such as Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot and I truly appreciate the stories. Chapter 4 examines the manner in which parents advocate for their children. In simplistic terms, affluent parents tend to be aggressive, determined, proactive, and fierce in their advocacy for their children. Poor parents tend to be uncomfortable and passive. We know this is a generalization and can cite parents who do not fit this mode. Despite these differences, I agree with Lawrence-Lightfoot when she says, “I believe that all parents hold big expectations for the role that schools will play in the life chances of their children” (p. 109). However, I also agree with Barzun (as cited in Lawrence-Lightfoot, p. 111) and Lawrence-Lightfoot that schools cannot possibly meet all the demands put upon it. In my career, I have seen the expectations put upon schools increase exponentially to the point that such demands inevitably lead to disappointment. Unfortunately, and unfairly, I also see the disappointment put upon the shoulders of teachers, whom I believe are giving more of themselves than the general public realizes. I absolutely love Lawrence-Lightfoot’s summary on page 144. It is too long to quote here, but I completely agree with her analysis that “we as a society [should] become more realistic and modest in our aspirations of schools” and we should not “expect our schools to be the primary engines for creating a just and healthy society…to fix our troubled cultural fabric”. I am not advocating that the only thing we should do is to teach a lesson and go home, but I do believe we need to be more realistic. It seems the school is expected to do so much (a mile wide), and we disappoint when we cannot do it all (an inch deep). If we are clearer on exactly what schools are capable of doing well and let them do it, then we truly can do our share of creating a just and healthy society.
I do believe schools are the great equalizer in giving every child the opportunity to achieve, despite their backgrounds. I do not agree with Jencks (as cited in Lawrence-Lightfoot, p. 113) that you can predict a child’s achievement in school and success in society based on their background. Ideally, any child should be able to succeed, but the equation is complex. Parents, schools, community, and the child all have a role in the success of the child. Unfortunately, I believe many parents today abdicate their role, children follow their parent’s example, and yes, some teachers give the rest of us a bad name. Despite the complexity, many children overcome the odds and many teachers make a positive difference in the life of one child at a time.
In my present job, I deal with affluent parents who put enormous pressure on their children to succeed and on me to produce results. I usually grit my teeth and do what I know is best for the child, knowing that in the long run parents will get the results they want, but I can insure students get the teaching and learning I know they need. It is sad to see parents put pressure on their children because they do not allow their child to enjoy being a child in the present and their determination blinds them to weaknesses their child may have. It is frustrating trying to deal with a parent who insist their child be a straight A student and blames the teacher rather than helping their child when weaknesses occur. Lawrence-Lightfoot reminds us to assume “all children have ‘special needs’” (p. 158). In so doing, “average” children will not be neglected or ignored and high achievers will not be considered perfect and invincible.
I know this is running long, but I must comment on a statement in chapter 5 that I have always believed. Weissbourd says (paraphrased), “we should never assume that the first few years of a child’s life are the only crucial moments for leveraging learning” (as cited in Lawrence-Lightfoot, p. 149). We have all heard claims that the first two years of a child’s life determines the rest of their life or if you do not reach a child in early elementary then their path is set. I have always riled against these statements. It is never too late to reach a child and turn them around. It is a matter of the most opportune time being recognized and acted upon. I have seen children turn around in middle school and high school. Never close the door on a child. One day they will walk through.
Not Much Just Chillin'
chapters 13-19
The middle school appears to be when many kids start to consume themselves with the world of communication. When I was in school, the hot communication items was beepers. "Pre-teen "adverstisement has taken over the television wolrd of advertisement. The only commercials I see pertaining to adults is basically about medications. All of the clothes, food, and entertainment point towards adolescents and young adults.
I definitely can relate to Jimmy in chapter 15. I thought I knew it all and adults knew nothing at Jimmy's age just like he did. It seems that may be a common thing at this age. Jimmy enjoyed correcting his parents all the time.
Chapter 16 shows an obvious bond that Elizabeth must have made with her teachers because she invited them to her outside social events. My students invite me to things. I try to go whenever I can. I do not recall inviting my teachers to any of my outside of school social events.
Chapter 17 stated that research has proved that the more aggressive and defiant boys are, the more popular their peers will perceive them. I wonder why that is true. I wonder does Mr. Wolfe have teacher burn out after 33 years, or do many teachers feel the way he does about teaching has become hard and all of the fun is gone out of it. I seem to believe he has more teacher burn out than anything else.
Chapter 19 gave me flashbacks of my niece who is in the eighth grade. She and her "girls" will be friends on Monday and dislike each other by Friday. I agree with Perlstein that girls appear to hold grudges longer than boys. I also like the advice Perlstein gives in this chapter about how parents should handle their kid's friendships. She believes the best thing parents can do in friendships situations is to help their childrent figure out what's motivating their choices in choosing friends. The parents being more of a middle ground supportive coach that stays out of the friend game.
Not Much Just Chillin
Chapter 14 -19
This book is doing exactly what it is intended to do. The more I read the more I "think" I know middle schoolers. Not much Just Chillin lets us into the intimate lives of middle schoolers and helps us revisit our days in those shoes. Yet the one thing we must remember is that middle schoolers can not be "figured out". Each child is an individual who is experiencing their life at a pace that is different and unique from every other child their age. Whether it is Mia, Lily, Eric, or Jimmy, each child must figure out their place in the world on their own but they need an adult presence to show they care. This is what I love about teaching middle school. Middle school kids need for someone to care about them no matter where they are on the developmental latter. Sometimes they need a helping hand and other times they need tough love. Regardless, by showing a genuine interest in their life, and not trying to control it, we will help them become successful.
Eric proves this to us in chapter 17. As intelligent as Eric is he has not performed to the level of his potential. Much of this is from the fact that he doesn't think anyone cares about him. His dad is always on the road and his mother lives away. However, when his brother Tim comes home from college for a semester and shows an interest in Eric, his grades go up. "I know I should do my work anyway but it's nice to have somebody care" (186-187) is Eric's response. The next semester Eric is praised on the awards bulletin for his efforts. Will this success continue? We don't know. Much probably will depend on what occurs in his family life. Unfortunately, his brother Tim leaves the home a few weeks later after an argument with the step mother. Where does this leave Eric? Who cares about him? This is where I feel teachers, like myself, have an important role of providing stability in a child's life. We may be the most stable force this kid knows.
Mark I agree with you in saying that we are the only constant in some of the students lives.I also agree that each middle school child has to be molded into his or her own design. They come in many different shapes, colors, sizes, and personalities.
Mark- I agree with the stability that we provide for our students. Sometimes, we as educators, are the only constant, reliable thing in a child's life. On the last day of school, I had a student cry, and not want to leave. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he didn't want school to end. He didn't want to be at home all summer. When I questioned him, he said, I never know what is going to happen at home, and I never know who will be in and out of my house. That is very typical of students at my school and I sometimes forget that I may be the only stability they currently have.
Chapters 14-19
In Chapter 14, "it's the Jackie show," Jackie becomes extremely picky. She is picky about her clothing, where she will get fries from, and even choosing movies. In middle school, I can remember being picky and feeling like I finally was old enough to have a say in things. Maybe Jackie's decision making is a direct result of being given a bit of freedom.
In Chapter 15, Jimmie gets frustrated because his parents "overemphasize" everything- from cleaning to homework to dressing. I can remember in middle school that everything was one of two things. It was either nothing at all, or everything in the world. Middle school is full of drama and home life does not change that. Jimmie may feel as though home life is either not too big of a deal, or that everything is hectic.
Chapter 17 begins with Eric not fitting in. In all reality, who really "fits in" in middle school. It is such as awkward stage in life and Eric feels as though no one cares about him. Technology plays another role while Eric and David begin communicating on the calculators. His grades are slipping because he is not paying attention or putting forth the effort. When his brother Tim comes home, he recieves some much needed attention and his grades begin to go up. Eric is praised on the awards bulletin for his efforts.
Chapter 19 focuses on relationships at the middle school age. Its hard for parents at this age to not manipulate their child's relationships by their opinions and rules. The best thing parents can do is help their child determine the motivation behind each realtionsip or each disagreement. This stage is when children learn that friends will come and go- and it will not be the end of the world as they know it.
Not Much, Just Chillin' Continues
Good Morning!
Chapters 13-18
I am going to bring up some points I thought was interesting:
*I had a hard time following some of the "text language". As a parent and teacher, I need to improve on this because I need to keep my kids safe. And the language is just awful!
*"Middle-school kids no longer crib their older siblings' cultural identity-they've got their own-and retailers are seizing on this like never before" (ch 13, pg 148).
This statement is so true. Young people run the retail industry. Clothes that barely cover the midriff, tight hipsters, low-cut blouses, short shorts and mini skirts are the things to wear. But it is just history repeating itself. I am so glad my school went to uniforms. Don't have to deal with this.
*Jackie seems to be OK. She is handling middle school life. How long she stays grounded depends on the parents.
*Jimmy is very unmotivated. Dad is out of work so he is "bugging" Jimmy. I think he is just overly concerned with Jimmy's academic progress. Jimmy gives me the impression that he may be suffering from ADHD. As a parent of such a child, he really shows the sign. Jimmy is also defiant and I don't know if he is doing this on purpose or it is oblivious to him.
*Eric is really suffering and it is good that the teachers noticed that. They bring William in for a conference and I am so glad that Eric feels so comfortable that he is able to open up to him. That is so hard for some kids because they believe they are airing out the family's business in front of strangers. Hopefully, William will take steps to help Eric. He has already walked off campus, backtalks and does mediocre work. He is headed for dropping out of school.
*"The teachers love their kids, love their jobs at the core But for many it has become beyond hard. After thirty-three years at this, Mr. Wolfe, a seventh-grade social studies teacher, sums it up: "I'm tired of the kids' talking back, the parents' talking back, the lack of interest in learning. It used to be fun. I'm not having fun anymore." And he's one of the teachers the kids really like, and behave for."(ch 17, pg 183).
This is one of the things why we are losing our teachers. I find it quite surprising how kids backtalk. I personally do not tolerate it and let them know day one I am not having it. But the problem is the parents are allowing the kids to do this at home. In my cultural diversity class, I've learned there are 3 voices : the child voice, the parent voice and the adult voice. Most of these kids are probably use to hearing the adult voice because they are probably the adult at home. And what happens at home usually ends up at school.
Sad to say, I've seen all of this but feel confident that I can deal with it a little better now.
Dianne, we seem to be agreeing and noticing some of the same points in these two chapters. Teachers do have power, but I believe we must define that power in order to use it properly. Some teachers define their power as control and exert it in a domineering manner, possibly producing losers. Some teachers recognize their power as the ability to bring into focus all resources (parents, students, research, professional personnel, etc.) to exact growth in a child, producing winners. Regardless, unfortunately, we have children falling through the cracks, while others are excelling. It’s complex!
The teacher who wore the button proclaiming she was not the students’ mother realized it was wrong. She is the teacher who later realized she needs to mother the underachievers she is responsible for. I love it when a child calls me Mom. In life, you begin to realize that everything is about relationships. I returned to middle school for those relationships that are still possible at this age. I cringe when I recall those early years when I was a bit more “cold”. If I could tell new teachers anything, it would be to develop positive relationships, enjoy the children, and then you can teach them.
I, too, felt sorry for the treatment of the older of Fania’s two sons. However, I was quite surprised that Fania put so much emphasis on the teachers, when she is a teacher. She did not comment on what she does at home to overcome these problems. I am not excusing the teachers, but I had to take issues into my own hands when dealing with inequities I saw in my own children’s education. I gave up on a couple of teachers and did what I had to do. Unfortunately, not all parents have the know-how to do this and do rely completely on teachers to do their job, unfortunately finding themselves disappointed.
Have a great weekend!
It appears we share the same views when reading this book. I only wish it had been available to me earlier in my teaching career. It holds good stories, good insights, and good advice. I agree that we as teachers cannot meet all the expectations placed upon us today when teaching children, and it seems we are criticized in every publication I have read lately. I just do not where the line is because teaching is so much more than a job; it is a passion. How will the public realize the components of teaching? I loved it in one of the articles I read that we should share researched information with our parents. I have never thought about this, but I agree it is a good idea to help with communication.
I agree that teachers need to be realistic, but I worry the optimism some teachers possess will move toward pessimism and excuses with the realistic viewpoints. Although I agree with you and Lawrence-Lightfoot that we should view all children as having “special needs” I do not desire for this viewpoint to give parents and teachers excuses for students who do not achieve goals. I worry this will lower expectations and standards once again. Focusing on students’ accomplishments are important, but we should not overlook the importance of effort. A lot of learning occurs from struggles and failures, as well, but only when done in a constructive way. Like you, I agree, children can walk through any door and overcome any obstacle with encouragement, discussion, and constructive assistance. It takes all of us to help children to become successful!
Happy 4th of July!
Jimmie,
Your comment about Jackie staying grounded depending on her parents is as true a statement as they come. I believe this to be true of most all middle school students. Many children will make it or not depending on the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, or whichever adults play an important role in their lives. This adult communication and role model is the best thing going for young people whether they realize it or not. Unfortunately many children, outside of maybe school, do not have the constant support and encouragement of quality adult role models. This is where children without parental support fall through the cracks in many instances.
Also just to touch on Ashley's comment on middle schoolers never fitting in, I agree with that statement but would venture to say it continues into our adult lives. I'm not sure if any of us ever fit in. The problem with middle schoolers is that fitting in is all they want to do. As an adult I don't feel the need to fit in with anyone in particular because I have come to accept myself for who I am. I am comfortable just being me and this is where middle school kids find difficulty. They are never really satisfied with being what they are because the grass is always greener on the other side.
Carla,
I completely agree with your statement that schools make too many demands. Not only do I often feel overwhelmed and alone in my job but I feel a sense of failure before I’ve even begun the task at hand. I become disappointed in myself as a teacher and I feel that I’ve let down my administration. I too, loved what Sarah had to say on page 144. She made me feel that all of my feelings about being overwhelmed are justified! Even the most veteran of teachers get frustrated with what their administration is asking of them.
Articles used for service learning presentation.
1) Community Service-Learning: A Guide to Including Service in the Public School Curriculum.
http://www.jstor.org/stable/2685696?seq=1&Search=yes&term=projects&term=service&term=community&term=learning&term=based&list=hide&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicSearch%3FQuery%3Dcommunity%2Bbased%2Bservice%2Blearning%2Bprojects%26x%3D0%26y%3D0&item=4&ttl=5958&returnArticleService=showArticle
2) Community-Based Projects in Applied Statistics: Using Service-Learning to Enhance Student Understanding Rob Root and Trisha Thorme The American Statistician, Vol. 55, No. 4 (Nov., 2001), pp. 326-331 http://www.jstor.org/stable/2685696?seq=1&Search=yes&term=projects&term=service&term=community&term=learning&term=based&list=hide&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicSearch%3FQuery%3Dcommunity%2Bbased%2Bservice%2Blearning%2Bprojects%26x%3D0%26y%3D0&item=4&ttl=5958&returnArticleService=showArticle
3) The Impact of Service Learning on Democratic and Civic Values Susan Hunter and Richard A. Brisbin, Jr. PS: Political Science and Politics, Vol. 33, No. 3 (Sep., 2000), pp. 623-626 http://www.jstor.org/stable/420868?seq=2&Search=yes&term=projects&term=service&term=learning&list=hide&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicSearch%3FQuery%3Dservice%2Blearning%2Bprojects%26x%3D0%26y%3D0&item=10&ttl=10205&returnArticleService=showArticle
4) What Should Be Learned through Service Learning? Michael X. Delli Carpini and Scott Keeter PS: Political Science and Politics, Vol. 33, No. 3 (Sep., 2000), pp. 635-637 http://www.jstor.org/stable/420870?seq=1&Search=yes&term=projects&term=service&term=learning&list=hide&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicResults%3Fhp%3D25%26la%3D%26gw%3Djtx%26jcpsi%3D1%26artsi%3D1%26Query%3Dservice%2Blearning%2Bprojects%26sbq%3Dservice%2Blearning%2Bprojects%26si%3D26%26jtxsi%3D26&item=32&ttl=10205&returnArticleService=showArticle
Happy Post-4th,
I hope it was a good, independent day for you. Can you believe how fortunate we are--to live in a time when we can communicate electronically and in a place where we are free to voice our opinions??? I can't help but wonder how much of our responses (as well as the institution of "school") is uniquely American. I am really enjoying the provocation of your posts. See you soon--klmk
Hello bookcircle friends
Not Much Just Chillin'
Chapters 20-24: (The End)
Chapter twenty speaks volumes about the sexual lives of middle school students. I gather that sex education can be taught by students to students, parents to students, or teachers to students, but it will be learned by the students either way. The book says that reseach suggests that the relationship a child has with the parents predicts the kind of relationship he or she will have in adolescence. I am not sure that was true in my situation. I was more like the good girl who wanted the "bad guys" in middle school, but I had a great relationship with my parents.
I agree with the author that parents should not belittle the heart aches and pains of their children. I see this happen all the time. Generally when they break up with someone, I have often heard parents and teachers say "oh honey, you do not know about real love" I do not know if that is true or not, but they do have feelings and emotions just as adults. I disagree with her about parents not being worried about childrent playing "spin-the -bottle. The bottom line is that students need to be taught the correct information in the correct way about sex or they will experiment and learn from anyone or anything they can.
I know Elizabeth was embarrassed by the bus driver's comments about her having diarrhea. I think he could have handled that a little differently; however, did you all notice how the students wanted to go by the rules to get the bus driver fired. Is it not amazing how they know the rules and want to go by them when it is convienant for them. Our students used to try that very often until they realized it would not work. I am actually impressed when they see something wrong and want to challege and change it, but I wish they would also use that same mentality when it is their turn to make the right choices and decisions. I so totally agree that parents need to be parents and not best friends with their adolescents and teenagers. They have friends at school. You can be friendly without being their friend. Now, once they get into adulthood, the roles between parents and children may and should change into friendship.
I am not sure how I feel about how Elizabeth handled the note situation at the end of chapter 21. Part of me wanted to applaud her for taking the responsibility of changing her behavior on her own because she never was late again, and part of me wanted to discipline her for not taking the note home like she was instructed to do.
I like the way chapter 22 opened by stating what Eric would do if he was the boss of school. I actually agree with the notiion that students should have some say in the rules and the assignments in class. This allows them to take ownership and responsibility for their learning. We say we desire for them to grow up and be able to make sound conscious decisions, but in contrast we like to tell them what to do all of the time.
Again, chapter 23 talks about sex and the different hormones of middle school students.They are hard to predict because they are all changing at such different rates.
I like the graduation and the award ceremonies they had in chapter 24.I believe things of this nature really allow the students to see their accomplishements and allows them to mentally perpare to go to the next level. The letter Ms. Thomas received from the student who got into so much trouble was touching. You never know the lives you are touching until after the fact. Sometimes it seems we are not making any connections and break-throughs but we should never give up. One success story overrides many of the less successful stories. Personally, I have just realized since adult-hood some of the influences some of my teachers had on me in grade school.
The title of the epilogue," You Get Good at Something and Then You Move on", reminds me of growth. Often times true, significant growth requires us to get out of our comfort Zone and/ or "rock the boat" in life situations. Eric made this statement, which showed a sign of maturity in my opinion. Never the less, he still received an F in on his report card that he got a month late becuase of a book he did not return. He has so much potential, but if it is not groomed and pulled out of him, it is not going to do him much good. Eric felt that his grades does not matter because he knows he is smart. I like his self-esteem, but it is not going to get him far in life if he is not willing to show others how he can be smart and useful by contributing to society in positive ways. It is kind of like having gas in the car and never driving it. Eric reminds me of so many of the students in my class.
All of the kids made it! As much as I would have liked to see Eric get all A's in the end, I respect the reality and truth in the pages of this book. I would not trade those aspects of this book for anything. This book may possibly go into my "re-read" every summer book as soon as I finish graduate school and have time to read other materials again.:)
Hello Book Circle Friends
Well, the last two chapters in the book are just as good as the first five. I relate to the teacher-mothers in chapter six. Like these women, I too, see differences in my teaching before and after becoming a mother. Mothering has a profound effect on women. I was a bureaucratic, by the rule, my way or the highway teacher before I became a mother. I am much more empathetic, caring, understanding, and easy-going now. Moreover, I continue to become even more mother like with my students as I age (I am ready to be a grandma!). However, the two roles should not totally overlap. If we mother students too much, we run the danger of missing their weaknesses and areas of concerns that, as teachers, we need to address. I disagree with Anna Freud’s stance that teachers must separate their mother role and their teacher role. I believe this is impossible. Yes, my kids and my husband have had to remind me that they are not my students, so I have had to work on how far I intertwine my roles. I am much more in line with Bateson’s point of view that women naturally learn to “blur, juggle, and integrate the many roles they play in their lives” (p. 191). Our maternal nature helps us to relate to many parents more easily. I share stories about raising my own children when they appropriately help with concerns parents have during conferences. It gives us a common bond, a trust, that their child’s best interest is important to both of us. The story of Claudia and Laura is a tear-jerker and one that aptly contrasts the difference in teachers who are mothers and those who are not (generalization only, there are exceptions, of course). I also relate to mother-teachers (notice the turn around here). I struggled as a teacher who played my role as a mother with the teachers of my children. I was like Jane. I avoided contact with the teachers of my children unless extreme circumstances arose. Fortunately, my children were good students and liked by the majority of their teachers, so I rarely had to intervene. The few times I did meet with them was extremely uncomfortable and unproductive. I did advocate for my children when I needed too, but I did not cash in my capital as a teacher.
This book has covered a wide range of perspectives on the parent-teacher encounter. This book has been an interesting read in what the author describes as the dance between parents and teachers on the “borderlands between families and schools” (p. xi). The author concludes by saying it will require “risk taking and courage … to navigate the tender and treacherous terrain between families and schools, a terrain full of surprises and minefields. The terrain is difficult because the signposts are not always clear and because productive encounters require the balancing and embracing of stark contradictions. In seeking meaningful alliances, parents and teachers must build bridges and mark boundaries; they must reach out and resist; they must find points of mutual identification and hold fast to their different perspectives” (p. 246). I look forward to the coming year and all the parents I will build bridges with at the borderlands.
Completing The Essential Conversation, my thoughts are filled with ideas to make the coming year better for my students and my parents. Since I do not have children biologically, I cannot relate to some topics in chapter six Living Both Sides. I do know from experience that some female teachers take on a motherly role. I did not think of myself in this way until a male colleague called me the “mother hen” this past year. I was not sure if that was a compliment or an insult, but I realized my role as a teacher had a different perspective than the one I perceived.
I do not think you have to be a mother to be a good teacher. I know many men, who are awesome teachers, but they are not viewed as dads, rather they are viewed as good role models. Inexperienced teachers are just that - young and inexperienced. These traits do not make them bad teachers who should not be hired. In the business world, I was taught to respect the elders in management, seek them out for advice, and maintain their knowledge in the highest regard. Unfortunately, I do not find this philosophy in education. Too often, our experience in the education world is taken with little regard and the same mistakes are repeated over and over again. Ineffective communication is not only with teacher and parent, but also with teacher and teacher.
I do not agree with Carol who “now believes teachers who are not parents are at a disadvantage in terms of relating to their students and families” (p. 197). Just because I am not a mother does not mean that I do not have compassion and understanding for other mothers and their children. It does not make me an ineffective teacher, either. Sometimes I have to rely on what parents say to understand what is really going on in the home. It just means I have to listen to what is being said to me and fully comprehend the message being sent by the parents.
I needed a whole box of Kleenex to read the story about Laura. She wore her scar outwardly and was easy to see. Thank goodness, her mother was such an advocate for her young daughter. I wonder how many children have inward scars that no one notices. The comparison between Mrs. Thomas and Miss Green did not surprise me in the least. Unfortunately, Miss Green is like too many new teachers, and needed the expertise of Mrs. Thomas to help her with her actions and mistakes. I know what she did is wrong, but unfortunately, we do not have artificial children to learn from when we begin teaching. The children are the ones who pay the price for teachers, young and old alike, who are still learning what it is to be a teacher.
Book Circle:
I feel as Antoine felt; allergic to school. One of the problems that Sarah Lawrence-Lightfoot deals with is that transitional period between the fourth and fifth grade into the scary and unknown world of the middle school grades. Why are Antoine teachers refusing him help? When did we, as middle school teachers, begin doing this? Yes, middle school aged students are supposed to be old enough to do certain tasks; however, refusing help is ridiculous. I also appreciate, “Fania going to St. Anne’s to meet with her sons teachers, she tried to get them to see Antoine’s strengths, which are masked by his struggles and his teacher’s stereotypes of him.” (pg. 148) I believe sometimes as teachers we need to be reminded of student’s strengths that we might not see throughout the school year. One year, I had an incredibly difficult student that refused all the things I asked of him. When we met with his mother I learned that one of his strengths was being able to get his little brother to sleep by singing to him at night! I thought this student was inhuman. Then for his mother to show me a much softer side of him that made me better relate to him was the best thing that happened to both of us that year. I was able to connect with him more and he became a much better student. I also really appreciated, “Teachers and parent need to be on the same side, especially with kids who are experiencing trouble.” (pg. 157) This is one of the greatest arguments for better parent-teacher communications. If a student is experiencing trouble, whether in school or at home, making a connection with the parents and becoming a cohesive unit can only improve the chances for that student.
Book Circle: Chapter 6
I’ve often heard from several reliable colleagues that once you have children you become a better teacher. I truly hope that once I become a parent I will be able to better relate to my student’s parents. I often notice my student’s parents feel that I do not understand anything about raising or having children and I often hear, “you don’t have kids! You wouldn’t understand!” And as true as that may be I also felt they were being pompous and defensive. I went through child psychology classes, I know how students think. As to that last statement, I have no idea how it feels to be a parent in a parent-teacher conference. I can’t imagine the angst a parent must feel. After reading this chapter it has forever changed how I will deal with parents more effectively. I know and feel that we, as teachers, are mothers, nurses, therapist, drivers, coaches, encourages, and much more. However, I understand that I will not fully grasp what chapter six is dealing with until I become a parent. Also, good for Andrea! I loved the statement, “She always recognized that, in comparison to other children in her classes, Heather was privileged by her talents, her experiences, and by her parents’ education and sophistication” (pg.214). She made sure, as a mother, that her daughter was treated fairly and properly by her teachers. This is an example of a mother being able to take her wants and desires to the school and make positive changes for her child!
Footnote
** Please excuse any ignorant statements made in this blog. I have NO idea what it takes to be a parent and a teacher. It's got to be harder than advanced calculus and I bombed that the first time around. Thanks!**
Not Much, Just Chillin' To the Very End
Amazing book! Really confirms what we already know is going on in the brain of a middle schooler but have trouble acknowledging it. Trying to fit in, emotional roller coasters, sex(no matter what form), family life, etc. It is all there.
I still think 7th and 8th graders will enjoy this book because they are more likely to relate to these characters than a 6th grader. The babies are not quite ready. They need to experience before reading about it.
1. BECAUSE THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT IT DOES NOT NECESSARY MEAN THEY ARE DOING IT.
Really, most of the sex talk is a bunch of hot gas. It really depends on the environment they are exposed to at home. Anyhow, most kids talk about it to appear that they are more mature than their peers when in fact they are just as pure as ivory snow.
2. PUSHING A KID ON BECAUSE OF FAMILY ISSUE: HELPING OR HINDERING?
My team, and probably others, have been faced with this issue. In my mind, that kid is a product of my teaching and I know he is not ready but he moves on. Helping self-esteem and hindering education. I have heard "Let that test catch them". Not a good time because then I can't help.
3. LISTEN.
I listen but not in-depth. I need to listen for the things I don't hear. My kids didn't have a problem coming to me if they needed help. They knew I would handle whatever it was promptly. I had one in particular was like my own child. She was with me mostly all the time. I could have filed her on my taxes if I wanted. She really taught me to listen deeply. I never knew how many issues she was going through and made me wonder, who else?
I am amazed that Jimmy matured. The pressure from his parents was his biggest problem. They sincerely needed a job so they could stop trying to live their lives through him. The one thing I didn't agree with is the parents decided to leave him alone. That is the problem in middle school now. Parents have "taken their hands off" the kids. Jimmy's parents can back off some but not to the point that Jimmy pushes them completely out.
Jackie, I noticed in your comments about the awards program. I enjoyed it but I also feel for those who never get anything because they were close but not close enough. The kids even knew who was getting an award because it is the same kids every year. No surprise. This is where the teachers do that Awards after the Awards Program for those Busy Bees.
The 8th grade "graduation" was excellent. Something I haven't seen in my school and probably no one has considered. Celebration of excellence. Give the younger kids something to look forward. I was really proud when my son was in the 5th grade Bridging Ceremony. A big fuss over every detail and kids love that. I was especially moved on the last day of school when the staff clapped for the 8th graders in the book as they exited the building.
Great book!
Well 6255ers--I would say the book circles have been successful. I'll be curious to see how they inform your concept maps.
I am not sue how I feel about the notion of mother = better teacher. I used to use the term coined by my colleague of "professional mothering" in terms of what Mentor Leaders offered the teacher candidates. However, I search for other metaphors because I know there are some parts of such a picture that offend me. Still I know there are aspects of educating that women, and perhaps mothers, do quite differently from men. I am still not certain what my position is on this but I enjoy ruminating on it.
To you all--keep learning. And know I've enjoyed your enthusiasm SO much--klmk
Not Much Just Chillin
20-24
Must note that this book brought to my attention the way I interact with my students every year. It let's me know how sensitive they are to their environment and how I need to be aware of this vulnerability everytime I am in their presence. At the same time we must not shelter middle schoolers. There is no need for sheltering when they are exposed to so much and probably know more than we think they do. Middle School is very real and each encounter a child faces can have a profound impact on their lives.
Chapter twenty-one really made me think about my impending parenthood. Children need for their parents to be just that, "parents". This is not always the case. "Plenty of her peers have parents who think their kids are their best friends, who are deluded into thinking that "she tells me everything" and that easy banter and the erasing of generational lines are somehow good for a child" (p 221). This is definately something we also need to think about in our teaching. However, since many middle schoolers need an adult to confide in who is not a parent, we can have many roles with our students such as: teacher, mentor, counselor, role model. Our relationships with students can be very inspirational. I also believe in allowing students such as Eric to have trials and tribulations but in the end allowing them to succeed. I feel as though keeping Eric back would have hindered his development. I applaud those teachers.
I absolutely do not believe that chapter 6 was trying to make the point that teachers who are mothers make better teachers. It is not mothers=better teachers, but rather mothers become better teachers themselves (personally better). It simply is pointing out that mothering will have a profound affect upon your teaching (I absolutely do believe this!). Of course, there are excellent teachers who are not mothers. Of course, there are men who are excellent teachers. The author’s message was that your teaching would, in all likelihood, change for the better after becoming a mother. Those who choose to become mothers attest to the many changes that take place. It is not to say that those who do not become mothers can never hope to be a fabulous teacher (that is crazy). Dianne, you may not have your own biological children, but you are a mother, and grandmother. Biology does not define a mother. You experience the joys and struggles of family life and therefore, you do have insight into family experiences. Brittany, those parents are not being pompous and defensive. They know that until you experience the struggles with children (and joy, of course), you cannot truly understand the complexity of dealing with children. I am sorry, but those child psychology classes can only teach you so much. Children are complex and unique. The minute you think you know how children think, one comes along and blows that theory right out the water. I am sure you are a wonderfully, caring teacher. Make a copy of your thoughts on this issue and then reread it twenty years from now. If you so choose to become a mother, you will be able to look back over your career and see the differences in your teaching.
Great book! I highly recommend it.
Mark- I also agree with them passing Eric to the next grade; however, I just hope he does not think he is going to always escape without doing what he is suppose to do.
Jimmie- I like the graduation idea. I thought about students who may not get awards, but I attended an elementary award program/graduation this year and everyone recieved some type of award. The awards were done in each homeroom. Every students was allowed to march even if they did not pass the CRCT. By the way, my nephew passed during summer school. The smaller classes, extra attention, and practice during the summers does wonders for him.
Karynne- I have enjoyed our class this summer. I always seem to experience "growing pains" during your classes.:), but the maturity I gain in the end is well worth it!!!!
Carla, I am sure you are correct in your interruption of Chapter 6, but it does not change the feelings I had while reading the book. I believe any experience we go through in life is a learning experience, but it is up to the individual on how it is used. I understand the bond a mother and child have as I watch my step-daughters interact with their own children; it saddens me that I will never experience that bond.
This is the best educational book I have read in quite some time. The stories have provided me with a great deal of insight in addition to causing me to reflect on my own personal experiences as a step-mother, teacher, and human-being. Although my intentions have been good, I am not sure that was how some of my parents received them. In hind sight, I see many mistakes that I made. I would love to go back in time and correct all of them. Hind sight is always 20/20.
Brittney, I think Carla has a wonderful idea for you. Make that copy of your thoughts on the issues raised in this book, but re-read it every couple of years. You will be amazed at how experience changes perspectives. At my age, we call it wisdom. Just as we speak about giving parents the benefit of the doubt concerning their children, give the same to yourself. Parents are not attacking you personally; rather they are defending the most precious possession they have on earth. Children are true gifts from God!
Jimmie, in response to the graduation, I for one do not agree with an 8th grade graduation. We did it for the first three years I was at Putnam County Middle School and this past year changed to a commitment ceremony. The difference is committing to graduate in four years from high school. Making a big deal of 8th grade graduation gives the kids a false sense of accomplishment. Although it is a significant stepping stone in their lives, in reality it doesn't mean that much. The ultimate celebration should be after 12th grade. That is an accomplishment worth making a big deal over all the little details.
Jackie, one question that I've always wondered about. Why do nice girls seem to go for bad guys? I never could figure that one out. In the end did you find yourself a bad boy or a responsible man?
"Not much, just Chillin"
Mark, I do not believe in 8th graduation as I think it takes away from high school graduation. In response to chapter 21, I do not believe children really want their parents to be their friends. They are begging for an authoritative figure during this time in their lives. I have enjoyed reading this book and getting to know each of the characters.
Not Much Just Chillin' directly relates to our discussions in class about the variety of families we encounter, as well as the diversity of our students. Some students in the book come from two-parent families where they receive a great deal of encouragement along with pressure to succeed. Other children come from homes with divorced parents and less consistent nurturing. There environment is strikingly similar to our students. They live in a materialistic culture and they experience to a wide variety of temptations and images. The reality is that middle school students ARE engaging in sexual activity, drinking, taking drugs, and even getting pregnant. While most adults find such reports disturbing, we as educators need to be aware of the situations our kids are placed in and the events they encounter during our years with them. Obviously, parents still play a crucial role, as do friends and teachers. My question is what can I do now? Perlstein offers sound advice for parents and educators in how to make these emotionally charged years less traumatic. Ideally, middle schools would offer students the opportunity to think and create, while collaborating on real-life projects on which they have input in designing. Teachers would make lessons hands-on and relevant. They would also realize that in the world of reality for most of their students, schoolwork takes a far back seat to friends and relationships, family, and social commitments. Advice to parents gives ideas on the appropriate level of involvement in school work and social lives (which research proves can lead to a successful educational experience), and offers comfort that parents are not alone in this difficult journey through adolescence.
As I became more involved with the characters, I couldn’t help but feel the pain, the joy, and the frustration. On the flip side, I came away from the book understanding more than ever, that often the journey for these adolescents requires the roadblocks and side trails adults often seek to eliminate. Without those obstacles, it really isn't middle school after all. It is almost as if middle school is a play: the students are the characters, the adults in their lives are the stagehands, and the director has gone home early. While the characters on stage are whom the audience sees, the back stage folks are just as critical to the ultimate success of the play. As the Wilde Lake principal points out, "You just ever know who you're getting through to. That's middle school for you."
Mark and Jackie- I also agree with them passing Eric to the next grade. My only fear is that in the long run, they are doing him an disservice.
Jimmie- We do a graduation type day as well, but call it "Celebration Day" that way our children who did not pass for the year or failed CRCT and have to attend summer school can still participate. It allows them to still recieve awards such as character awards, most improved, or other club type awards. I agree that they should still be included and feel important.
Hello Not Much Just Chillin' book circle friends. I also enjoyoed the " A Conversation with Linda Perlstein" questions and answer section in the back of the book. Teachers and parents could do such a better job with teaching and raising middle schoolers if they understand their developmental stages.
Ashley, I enjoyed reading everyone's comments, but I declare you could have written a foward or a quote on the back of this book with your last entry. I gained a lot of insight just from reading it.
Mark, I just call it the good guy, bad girl syndrome.Maybe it is just the curiosity of it. Maybe "opposites do attract. In my opinion, my first husband was totally opposite my personality; however, he passed away in a car accident. Ironically, my husband now is someone who reminds me of my dad and portrays the exact values I was raised to believe. Belive it or not, I like the excitement of going out with someone who would do and try things I would never dare to do, but due to my raising I knew where to draw the line. Those morals always stuck with me and kept me in place!!!!
Essential Conversations
In my reading of The Essential Conversation, I was reassured that the tactics used by me and my colleagues are not far-fetched. The book gave me clear insights and a new found appreciation of conferences as a teacher and a parent. I know that my stories of teaching can sound a bit out of the ball game, but I speak nothing but the truth. The book has shown me many ways to refine the way we handle conferences. The idea of student lead conferences seems ideal and I hope to implement it with my team. I am really looking forward to interacting with parents on a different level, a level in which we can successfully reach a common point/ground. Being that I am not a confrontational person, and a great deal of my parents are, I truly believe that any type of conference in which the accountability doesn’t lie solely on the teacher and the teacher only will be beneficial the all parties involved and it would definitely empower the child. I must say that parents like Marcus’s are the type of parents (p.97) that horrify me because I don’t understand the reasoning behind the behavior. I know that in this profession, being fair and genuine is the name of the game. I biggest drawback and discrimination is against my own kind of people. If they rant and rave as parents, I can’t deal with them because I find myself losing my professionalism, if they are lackadaisical, I find myself on a witch hunt and if they are overprotective, I find myself being judgmental wondering when are they going to let them stress independence.
Dianne, I agree with you. Being a mother doesn’t make you a better teacher. It makes you a cautious mother who has observed a great deal. I gave that some thought in choosing the educational route of my daughter. I want her to make it on her own with her own abilities. I am merely standing by observing the ends and outs. I have enough knowledge to know when help will be needed and how it will be needed. I don’t want Ashton to be a Heather (p. 212), but I will become an Andrea if I see the urgency or the need.
I, too, believe that a core part of the curriculum of teachers in training needs to be focused on productively relating to the parents of their students (229). The Essential Conversation has redefined parent/teacher/student conferences and in essence it has given me and my team the ‘job well-done’ nod and the ‘keep on keeping on’ metal. It has confirmed that going above and beyond the call is what teaching is all about.
Jackie- Im sorry. =) I have a really hard time picking out specific details...which is why it is more general information.
Hi Ashley, You must have misunderstood my post comment. I thought your posting was terrific!!!! Jackie Nelson
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